News

The Happiest Meal Anyone Ever Did Order

by Nuzha Nuseibeh

McDonald's is working hard to be modern, relevant, and youth-orientated — Ronald has updated his creepy jumpsuits to equally creepy slacks, joined Twitter, taken selfies — but serving a couple of Iowa residents with marijuana-filled McDonald's double cheeseburgers probably wasn't part of the plan. Police are still looking into it, but things aren't looking good for the food conglomerate. The couple told officials they bought their two double cheeseburgers at a McDonald's drive-thru in Iowa last month, at roughly 8:15 p.m. It only took them a bite to realize that there was something extra between their patties — and that that something was weed.

Unfortunately for McD's though, the couple weren't happy with their surprise. They took the burgers back to the fast food joint and told the management, who got the police involved. No word yet on how the presumed weed got there, or why. “What really upsets me is that I have been a loyal customer of McDonald’s and they have not once apologized. They didn’t even offer me a refund, they just remade my burgers,” Brittany Songer, who had the first bite of the weed burger, told told the Ottumwa Post.

McDonald's — which faced a bit of a dip in its first-quarter profits and a small decline in sales at stores in the U.S., according to last month's reports — has been trying really hard to get back in there. On top of changing up Mr. McDonald himself, even their iconic french fries are reportedly getting a makeover: this week, the fast food chain will be introducing Shakin' Flavor Fries — fries with flavored seasonings like garlic parmesan and spicy buffalo. But fierce competition from the likes of Taco Bell and Wendy's is making it harder and harder for the Golden Arches to keep its hold over the fast food market.

Last year, a Wendy's employee was fired after serving a customer a burger with a half-smoked blunt inside (which apparently she'd "misplaced" during her shift). And only a few months ago, a family of four went on an unexpected acid trip, after buying some LSD-laced steak from their local Walmart. Who can blame the newly-hip Ronald for trying to keep up?

Still, although selling, er, "happy" meals might have given the company the edge it's needed, this probably isn't what they had in mind. Whatever was in the burgers has been taken away and will take a couple of months to analyze — if the couple wants to sue once the results are back, they can.