Finally, you have something to clutch onto that won't go off with an email notification from Forever 21 at 3:27 a.m. while you're in the middle of a deep slumber. Don't worry about forgetting to charge it while you sleep, it's totally battery-less. The noPhone will take the space in your back pocket while riding a bike sans the fret of it falling onto the pavement and shattering into a million pieces. When sitting at a restaurant on a first date, you can feel the safety of the phone surrogate with you. It'll give you the feeling of security that someone might call you with an emergency and you'll have to split. But wait! It won't actually ring since you know, it's literally just a piece of plastic. You've just tricked yourself into giving your date your undivided attention. Success.
Don't worry about having to change accessories once you upgrade to the noPhone 5s since upgrades aren't necessary. The device is already shatterproof, waterproof and battery-less. What more could you need? OK, let's be real. This is obviously a joke to make fun of those of us who are unable to put down our smartphones. The noPhone website describes it as a tool so you'll "never again experience the unsettling feeling of flesh on flesh when closing your hand." And if that's not enough to convince you that the noPhone is a phony, check out the testimonials. Katie lays down the truth with "Not a real phone." And now let's check out the "demo."
Welp. The noPhone might be a fraud, but we all know that phone addiction is an actual problem. At least the noPhone can let us laugh about the epidemic and get us thinking about it. But for the time being, it looks like you're going to have to ween yourself off from being totally connected 24/7 the old fashioned way — accidentally breaking your iPhone and having to use your mom's old Nokia that hardly picks up a signal. Good luck!
Images: No Phone/Vimeo