The 11 Emotional Stages of Wearing Dark Lipstick

If there's one thing I love about this time of the year, it's the darker makeup. Particularly lips. I love my reds and berries, but honestly, I'm always on the hunt for the closest-to-black-without-actually-being black lipstick shade. It's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it. The only problem with my love of dark lipstick is that I don't live in a more adventurous place like New York or a more laid-back place like California. I live in the south. Not the deep south or anything, but south enough that it's rare I see another dark-lipped lady on the day-to-day. If I do, we give each other a nod of solidarity.

But before I learned to embrace my love for the vampy side of life, I was always a nervous wreck when it came to wearing darker lipsticks in public. I would reach for a darker shade and then put it back. Multiple times. Finally, I'd just tap it on my lips instead of swiping for full opacity. That way, the folks at the local grocery store would just think I ate a beet instead of thinking I lost my mind. And then, one day, I ran out of f*cks to give. Dark lipstick makes me happy. Screw the haters.

But that doesn't mean using a near-black lippy is pain-free. Using a dark lipstick is like having a baby. You have to be gentle with it. You have to constantly check on it. You have to take it everywhere with you. And you have to put it before your own wants... like pizza.

Regardless of how much you might love that vampy lip, it will always be high maintenance, and there will always be someone to judge you for it. And because of these factors, here are the 11 emotional stages that go along with rocking that dark lip:

1. The "Is this too dark?" Stage

I don't think the world is ready for this mid-tone berry...

2. The "This isn't dark enough!" Stage

Actually, I should just grab the black lipstick.

3. The "Wait, I have to use lipliner?" Stage

Unfortunately, a dark lipstick is one of those things you can't just slap on and go.

4. The "Is it supposed to take this long?" Stage

It takes me about 10 minutes to apply a dark lipstick to the point where I'm confident the color is only where it's supposed to be. 10 minutes. For lipstick.

5. The "Can I wear black with this?" Stage

Or will everyone just think I'm goth?

6. The "Am I really this pale?" Stage

Yes, there are many questions associated with wearing a dark lip. It will make you look paler. And bronzer is your friend.

6. The "Don't Smile Too Much" Stage

The risk of lipstick-teeth is just way too high.

7. The "Stop Staring!" Stage

Depending on where you are, heads will probably turn. And it might feel awkward.

8. The "Eat Your Heart Out" Stage

And then you remember you're rocking it, and don't care if they stare.

9. The "My Food Options Are Restricted..." Stage

Caution: Do not feed the dark-lipped lady. Everything must be bite-sized. The goal is to avoid reapplication.

10. The "This Is My Life Now" Stage

Dark lipstick is like a clingy ex-SO. It will be hard to remove, and most likely leave a stain.

11. But Despite It All, You Reach The "I Really Have To Wait?" Stage

Darker lipsticks tend to be more dehydrating for the lips, making it hard to rock one consecutive days. No matter how badly you want to.

Yes, dark lips are high maintenance. But despite all the work, they're totally worth it.

Images: Giphy (11)