'Honey Boo Boo': Very literal shit-talking

I don't know about you guys, but I thought for sure this season was going to end like four weeks ago. Obviously the season's "arc" was leading up to the big commitment ceremony, which had to close everything out. But I thought with the dresses picked out and the catering…considered, in that someone knew where they'd find the roadkill, everything was ready to go weeks ago. How much more actual content was there to actually depict this season? But Honey Boo Boo, like so many great reality shows before it, has stretched the limits of editing. We don't even have stories to tell anymore. Want to just listen to sounds of Pumpkin taking full advantage of a Port-a-Potty?

THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE EVERYONE IN THE THOMPSON HOUSE JUST WANTS TO TALK POOP.

With just two days to go before the commitment ceremony, Mama's stressed out of her mind. And when you're stressed out of your mind, sometimes that stress manifests itself as extra bathroom time. Honey Boo Boo explains the situation succinctly: "the wedding's coming up, and Mama's stressed. She's pooping a lot. It's simple math." Based on the footage we saw in which the light in the house definitely changed, I'd have to guess that Mama was in there for at least a few hours. At one point, she even had her granddaughter in there with her. Why not?! "We're probably just gonna get married in the bathroom," Mama admitted, which I can't imagine didn't come up in the initial wedding plans.

Recognizing that the stress placed on their one bathroom would only be compounded the day of the ceremony with, you know, guests in attendance, Sugar Bear made sure the family had locked down multiple Port-a-Pottys. While Mama continued to leave her mark on the immobile version ("Probably wouldn't go in there for about 45 minutes"), Pumpkin took to testing the tensile and odor-masking strength of the ones outside. For what was probably 10 seconds but felt like 10 years, the camera lingered as the boom picked up…all sorts of audible evacuation sounds, no effects required. Neither Sugar Bear nor the crew he'd assembled to get the lawn set up seemed to mind. If anything, it just confirmed that they'd all done their jobs right.

"When I poop, it feels like I'm growing a tail," Pumpkin told Anna after she got out, which is not the world's most inaccurate assessment. Gross! But not inaccurate.

Now I come from a family of boys (I myself am one!), so my tolerance for the kind of shit-talking on display above is pretty high. But I think most families are actually like this, engaging in bathroom activity talk around the dinner table. It's not that uncommon! With that in mind, I've got to applaud the whole Thompson clan -- from stress-pooping Mama to Port-a-Potty testing Pumpkin to just-thrilled-to-talk-about-poop Alana -- for giving us an honest depiction of something real American families discuss almost everyday. Pooping brings us together!

Next Week: A WEDDING