For as long as I can remember, I’ve never been a big fan of showering. If I owned a tub, I’d definitely be far more inclined to bathe, but it still wouldn’t be an everyday occurrence. On average, I shower maybe a few times a week. Unless it’s well over a 100 degrees, the humidity index is somewhere near 98 percent, and I’ve literally sweat myself in weight, it’s very difficult for me to get into the shower. I find it time consuming and a burden — (I feel the same way about the fact that I have to drop whatever I’m doing several times a day to pee). One would think that if the human race had been around for so long it would have adapted by now to take care of these nuisances on its own, but it hasn’t, and it’s aggravating. I have better things to do with my time than pee and shower.
But aggravation aside, I have legitimate reasons as to why I don’t shower every day, and, personally, I think they make perfect sense. I used to hide my lack of interest in showering until I realized that I know a lot of people who feel the same way I do, so now I’m loud and proud about it.
Before you get all judgey and call me unhygienic, consider these six reasons I will never shower every day.
I HAVE REALLY, REALLY SENSITIVE SKIN
As I write this, I have a big ol’ weird blotchy patch on my forehead. I don’t know from where it came; if I ate something strange, or if my face has finally decided it’s time to break up with my moisturizer, but there it is — and it’s not uncommon for me.
My skin, although quite lovely when I’m not sporting a weird allergic reaction, is extremely sensitive. It doesn’t take much for it to get out of balance, and every time I try a new moisturizer, I have to do one of those patch tests to make sure my entire epidermis isn’t going to break out into a thousand more blotchy patches. Because my skin is so sensitive, it’s not a big fan of showering. Because water is naturally drying, after I shower, my skin itches terribly (and no, it’s not the products I use, because I barely use products), and the only way to calm it is with body oil or calming moisturizers. Even though I do use these, it still takes a day or two for my skin to relax again, without itchiness and flakiness.
I’M KIND OF LAZY
True story: I’m lazy. I may not be the laziest person out there, but I’m still pretty damn lazy, especially when it comes to things I don’t like. I’ll gladly get up off the couch to jump on a plane to another country, but getting up off the couch to shower is like pulling teeth. I can’t do it, so I won’t do it, and prefer to put it off for as long as I possibly can. I’d put it off for weeks, if it were socially acceptable, but since it’s not and I do have to leave my apartment sometimes, I eventually just have to do it. Which brings us to…
I WORK FROM HOME, SO WHY BOTHER?
I often joke that the reason I became a freelance writer is because I like to work in my underwear, have a commute of less than 20 feet, and I don’t have to be around people. It’s always when I’m saying this “jokingly,” that I realize that I’m actually being quite honest. Once we add in the fact that not having to face human beings also means I don’t have to shower or do my hair, then, at least in my eyes, I’ve scored the ideal job. Because if I don't even have to bother getting dressed, why the hell would I even think about wasting my time with a shower?
I’M NOT ONE OF THOSE “SMELLY” PEOPLE (I DON’T THINK)
The longest I ever went without showering was when I had the shingles a few years ago. I was in so much pain, both internally and externally, that I couldn’t get out of bed to do anything, let alone shower.
It was at that time that I didn’t shower for about 10 days. Despite the night sweats, I wasn’t actually able to smell myself until around day eight or nine. Of course, I’m not sure what my family or doctors smelled, because that really wasn’t my concern. However, from what I surmised then and what I’ve gathered after I go to the gym once a year, I’m not a naturally sweaty person who needs to shower every day.
MY SKIN AND HAIR LOOK BETTER DIRTY
I don't really wash my hair. I mean, I "wash" it once or twice a month, but always with baking soda, and I choose to condition the ends with natural oils maybe once a week. I actually prefer olive oil, because it smells amazing and makes me think of pizza. As someone with naturally curly hair, this means it’s also naturally dry, so not showering every day and not getting it even slightly wet makes my hair look phenomenal.
Same thing goes for my skin. It’s when my skin has its natural oils intact that it really looks it’s best. Once you toss in the way my mascara smears perfectly when I sleep so I wake with spot-on smoky eyes, it makes far more sense that I wouldn’t shower often. I make “woke up this way,” look good.
THE TEMPERATURE TRANSITION ONCE I TURN OFF THE SHOWER MURDERS MY SOUL
Whether it’s the summer or the winter, the temperature transition really makes the whole showering experience even worse than it already is.
In the summer, you go from taking a nice cool shower, to going back out again into the humidity. In the winter, you go from a nice hot shower back out into the cold air that, on some days, even the heat turned all the way up can’t seem to break. I mean, really? What’s the point? If you ask me it’s a torture that can be avoided by just skipping the whole shower thing all together.
Not to mention, you can never be too careful...
Images: Fotolia; Giphy(6)