'Tis the season to be jolly, to drink egg nog, and to fight over who gets to eat that night's piece of advent calendar candy. Ah, the advent calendar! According to my own personal experience, the Christmas countdown apparatus has been in existence since at least the 1980s. I've seen quilted advent calendars with small toys in each pocket, wooded calendars with little notes tucked in each cubby, and cardboard calendars with that weird chocolate nestled in plastic lining. Love magazine's spin on the holiday tradition: a video advent calendar. This year's video advent calendar features not one, but TWO members of my favorite reality TV family, so of course I checked it out. Keeping Up With the Kardashians matriarch Kris Jenner mugged for the Love magazine cameras on the fifteenth day, and daughter Kendall was featured on the eighth day. Merry Khristmas to us all!
This got my gears a-turnin': Why don’t the Kardashian-Jenners have an advent calendar? They love putting their names on products. They love selling stuff. They love Christmas. They have at least one fan [points at self] who would buy a Kardashian-Jenner advent calendar every year. IT WOULD BE PERFECT.
Here's what the Kardashian-Jenner advent kalendar of my dreams would look like:
I waffled on this one. I considered a reusable calendar that could be refilled with candy every year, but I ultimately decided on a disposable cardboard decoration. My reasoning: The family’s look and lineup is ever-changing. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want an outdated Kardashian advent calendar. Sorry, the environment! I take keeping up with the Kardashians way too seriously!
The calendar would be in the shape of a giant star because the Kardashian-Jenner family is a family of stahhhhs.
There would be 24 perforated square windows. Behind each window? Each day's prize. And behind each day's prize? An illustration of a Kardashian-Jenner or a friend of the family. They'd be waving at you from their star home. My heart warms at the thought of it.
Oh, and most importantly: The entire thing would be bedazzled.
IDEA #1: There'd be a piece of chocolate in each square. Of course I'm talking about that waxy chocolate that’s in, like, 90% of advent calendars. Keepin' it traditional. The shapes: A cell phone, the E! Channel logo, awesome pajamas, and a gun in a block of cement (DEEP CUT).
IDEA #2: The calendar would come with a HitClips player. Why? Uh, to play the Kardashian-Jenner quote HitClip hidden in each square, duh. On the fourth day of Christmas, the Kardashians said to me: "Auntie Kris! It's meeee! Todd Kraines!"
Ugh, I can't decide. Heck, let's have both.
The Khristmas Eve Treasure
The 24th window would reveal a tasteful and beautiful Kardashian-Jenner family ornament. The year would be painted on the ornament. It'd be a nice keepsake.
WAIT. Do Kardashian Khristmas ornaments exist??!?! [Hops on over to KardashianKhaos.com.] Uh oh. THERE IS A KARDASHIAN ORNAMENT. I need to order 35 right now. Gotta go, bye.