If you woke up this morning and thought to yourself, “You know, what I really need in my life is Nick Offerman reading "The Night Before Christmas" because I bet that would be awesome,” then today is your lucky day, because a video of Nick Offerman reading the abridged version of the Christmas poem on The Tonight Show is here. And it’s obviously awesome, because it's Nick Offerman doing a thing.
Wearing one of the most gloriously ugly Christmas sweaters, actor Nick Offerman (who you probably know as the breakfast-loving, apathetic Libertarian from Parks and Recreation) recites a shorter, sweeter, and more accurate version of the seasonal classic "The Night Before Christmas” (which was originally written by Clement Clark in 1837, FYI). Some highlights include: “Some kids were sleeping and dreaming of sugarplums and other random sh*t,” “And then a fat bearded man and put toys into a sock.” My only request is for Offerman to read every single Christmas poem there is, and then sing some Christmas carols, because I think only then would my life be complete. In fact, Nick Offerman reading just about anything—Harry Potter, directions on how to use a Crockpot, etc.—would be simply ideal.
Nick Offerman also poses the very important question we’ve been (probably) wondering since the 1800s: what the hell is “the down of a thistle”? Alas, the world may never know.