[WARNING: If you are easily grossed out by scatological humor and/or hate the word “diarrhea,” hit the BACK button now. Because it’s about to get real poopy up in here.] Gather ‘round the ol’ laptop, Bachelor Nation, for Grantland’s Juliet Litman interviewed Bachelor Season 19 star Chris Soules, and the video is a terrific way to spend 27 minutes. Not only does Prince Farming give us a little insight into the farm life (I know very little about this topic, so I found this legitimately interesting) and what the Bachelorette audition process is like (I know a little more about this topic, so I found this legitimately interesting), Soules answers a question that's hovered over the latest crop (heh heh heh) of Bachelor bios like an excrement-scented cloud (sorry I am not sorry for that disgusting simile): What the heck is with all of the diarrhea?
Diarrhea is a recurring theme of the Season 19 Bachelor cast bios:
- Becca's biggest date fear: Having stomach issues and clogging up a toilet, a la Dumb and Dumber
- Brittany's biggest date fear: Gas or violent diarrhea
- Kelsey's biggest date fear: Diarrhea
- Trina's biggest date fear: Eating something that gives me "di-di"
It would be one thing if one or two contestants said their number one date fear is diarrhea (mine would be "He turns out to be a Patrick Bateman-esque serial killer," but this isn't about me), but it comes up four times. Why, oh why is this pretty gross answer such a popular response to a question on a dating show questionnaire? Like, I'm very pro-poop talk, but if I was on The Bachelor, 1) I'd only wear tube tops and 2) I'd keep my BMs to myself. I'd want my potential suitor to get to know me before he got to know my BMs.
Before I watched the interview with Soules, I had a few guesses about this turdy trend:
THEORY #1 — Right before the contestants filled out the questionnaire, they drank some strong coffee. The strong coffee wasn’t settling well. Stomachs were a-churnin’. So, the threat of diarrhea was at the forefront of many of the women’s minds.
THEORY #2 — These ladies love poop jokes, and this season will be remembered/treasured for its abundance of toilet humor.
THEORY #3 — Those answers were actually left blank and “diarrhea” was the producers’ go-to answer.
THEORY #4 — There was a "Who can get the most TMI on the questionnaire?" challenge between the contestants.
THEORY #5 — It's nothing more than a pooincidence.
Let's see what Soules has to say about all of this, ahem, crap:
SOULES ALSO FEARS THE DATE DI-DI! How did I forget this nugget?!?! Shame on me. Shame. On. Me.
In the interview, Soules mentions that when he was a contestant on Andi Dorfman's season of The Bachelorette, his answer to the biggest date fear question was "accidental diarrhea." (His reasoning: "That would really suck, 'cuz what would you do? That would be embarrassing." I mean, fair point. It would really suck.) Litman posits the hypothesis that this season's Bachelor hopefuls consulted Soules's questionnaire answers and matched their biggest date fear to his. You know, to show solidiarrhearity. I love this theory.
"It's a possibility," Soules responds.
Whatever the actual explanation for the multiple shoutouts to di-di is, I know one thing to be true: Whenever we see Soules go on a one-on-one date with any of the aforementioned four women, I will not be able to think about anything but how both parties are terrified their bowels could turn on them on a dime. CAN'T WAIT.