I don't wanna brag too much, but I'm going to because I suspect that I am far from the only person on this earth who has a special talent for eating bagels. My special talent: As soon as you give me a bagel, it's instantly gone. As a semi-professional bagel eater (I worked in a café, which might make me as close to a literal professional bagel-eater as possible), I have to say that I was genuinely skeptical of this video claiming that we've all been eating bagels wrong our entire lives. But after watching this video, as a carb connoisseur, I have to hand it to this guy. He knows what's he's talking about. If you love and respect bagels like I hope you do, you will stop what you're doing and hear him out.
When you watch this video, you need to pay very close attention; If you look away even for a second, you might miss a nuanced but incredibly vital portion of this bagel hack. Don't feel bad if you don't get it right the first time. Once you really get the hang of it, I promise it's worth all the time you'll save back when you were spreading cream cheese on your bagel that old, tired, traditional way that just made no sense at all:
OK, by now, you know that the humans behind this are basically April Ludgate's sarcastic, bagel-eating cousins, and this whole thing is farce, but was it not worth every single one of this man's smug Pinterest-Mom-worthy faces? I swear I've seen that exact same face on any and every friend of mine who was ever good at arts and crafts and then seriously judged my fifth grade basket weaving skills. It's THIS FACE:
And this face:
And, of course, this face:
But you know what? As much as it used to make my blood boil, I honestly don't mind watching his face look super smug. I only have one real reason to resent this gem of a video: I suddenly crave bagel so much that it hurts me.
DAMN YOU, BAGEL MAN.
Images: Fotolia; YouTube (4)