How To Look Good When Stranded On A Desert Island

There are six amazing stories of real life castaways known by most members of contemporary society (and no, Tom Hanks' isn't one of them). But what should be astonishing is that, in actuality, there are far more cases of castaways throughout history — in fact, there are thousands! (Alarming, I know.) You might be thinking, "Psh, whatever, I'll never find myself in that position,” but no one who actually becomes a castaway plans on it. It might be unlikely, sure, but the chances of being stranded on an island with no civilization — or WiFi (oh the horrors!) — are not as out of this world as you might believe. You could find yourself lost at sea during a cruise gone terribly wrong and wash up onto a uncivilized island, or maybe you'll one day get the urge to conduct a social experiment and actually choose to be a castaway. Last year, Jose Salvador Alvarenga washed up on shore after he was allegedly stuck in the Pacific Ocean for 13 months on a fishing boat. He survived by drinking his own urine, bird's blood, and rain water, and eating turtles and fish from the sea. He finally swam to shore, where two locals found him and got him help. News spread like wildfire — everyone wanted to hear the story of the man who was lost at sea for over a year. How did he survive? How did he get stranded? Would he be okay? Everyone wanted to know. Photos of him popped up all over the Internet — sunburned with unruly hair and eyebrows; very obviously having been through an ordeal unimaginable to most of us.

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So picture this: You're stranded on an island for days, surviving off of raw wild fish and drinking your own urine. One day, by miracle, you’re finally found. The rescuers take you to the nearest civilization to get you medical care and take you home. You get to the hospital, dreaming of carbs and chocolate. Your hair is disheveled, you’re wearing a Tarzan loincloth, there’s dirt embedded in your nails, and an uneven skin tone is the least of your worries. You get off the ambulance, relieved to finally be reunited with your family, when all of sudden there are flashing lights everywhere. Cameras from every news outlet possible are capturing each possible angle of your face. These photos will follow you for the rest of your life... if someone were to Google your name, they would 100 percent pop up right on top for the entire world to gawk at.

So, I took the liberty of doing some research as to how to maintain your appearance with help from Mother Nature to make sure you look fabulous when the press come running at you hungry to make a story or photo essay out of you.

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to belittle the experiences of actual castaways. I'm being satirical, obviously. Possibly with the aim of making some observations on the impossible beauty standards that follow us everywhere — desert isles included.

1. Find A Beehive To Keep Your Skin Flawless And Moisturized

Honey is a natural humectant, meaning it draws the moisture from the air, and when applied to your skin, it draws said moisture into your skin — allowing you to fight away the sun damage. Not only is honey good for this, but it also helps to clean your pores with its enzymes and antibacterial properties.

2. Add Some Sand To That Honey

If you find yourself stranded on a beach, you're most likely going to suffer from sunburn, and your skin will start to flake and become patchy. Save some of that honey, add some sand, and you'll have a nice body scrub to exfoliate away all the dead skin clogging up your pores. Scrub off all the dry flakey skin to expose the new baby soft skin underneath!

3. Get Ahold Of A Lemon Tree

Lemons are a good substitute for a face toner due to their natural astringent properties, and they are also known for evening our your complexion, too.

4. Sea Salt On Your Hair For Natural, Easy Waves

After your honey-sand scrub, take a dip in the ocean to clean yourself off and make sure to get your hair nice and saturated in the ocean's salty H2O. Shake your hair of any excess sea salt water, scrunch it upwards, and let it sun dry to create effortless tousled waves.

5. Find Balsam Flowers To Tint Your Nails A Cute Orange

These orange-yellow spotted flowers are great to give your nails a little color and to hide the dirt underneath. Crush up the stems and flowers with a rock and apply them onto your nails. Leave them on for a couple of hours and your nails will have a cute light orange tint to them.

6. Scavenge For Aloe Plants

Got a nasty pimple from the stress and lack of skin care products? Cut open an Aloe plant and dab some of that magic onto your blemishes and watch them disappear... in the ocean's reflection.

7. Protect Yourself From The Sun

Remember when we learned how to make sail boat origami hats in grade school? Well, try to recreate one with leaves or whatever you can find. Keep the sun out of your eyes and face because you’ll be regretting it when you’re finally home with millions of sunspots.

8. Find Red!

Whether it’s strawberries, pomegranate, non-poisonous berries, or cherries, rub them on your lips and cheeks to give you a nice rosy face and a kissable pout.

Images: Fotolia; Getty; Giphy