The Best Theories About Putin's Disappearance

Reddit is usually about as reliable a news source as a baby, but the insights the site's users have to share about world events are always the best part of any news story. When one of the most popular figures for Internet discussion, criticism, and occasional ridicule went missing on an extended political sabbatical — yes, that's right, we're talking about Vladimir Putin again — Redditors took it upon themselves to come up with creative explanations for the Russian president's disappearance. And they did not disappoint. As you might expect, Reddit has the best explanations for Putin's disappearance on the whole Internet.

Everyone's been in a tizzy about the Russian president's extended absence from the public eye. His elusiveness — he wasn't photographed for over a week — led to rumors of illness, death, or an illicit child. Concern was especially high after Putin cancelled several meetings, but the Kremlin quashed rumors of deathly illness — rather less quickly than one might think, I would add. It took them over a week to address the gossip. After 10 days AWOL, Putin made his first public appearance on Monday, meeting with the president of Kyrgyzstan, Almazbek Atambayev. Now that he's back, it seems safe to speculate about where he might have been all this time. Even Putin himself has joked about it — "[Life] would be boring without gossip," he told the press. Without further ado, here are the best, least boring pieces of gossip we could find on Reddit about Putin's mystery vacation.

Putin = Rasputin

Whenever I think of Rasputin, I think of the absolutely terrifying animated version from Anastasia. This Reddit post therefore makes more sense to me in the cartoon context than in the "real-life" context for two reasons. First of all, I know basically nothing about the historical Rasputin. Second of all, in the movie Anastasia, Rasputin lives to be a ton of years old — like Voldemort — and ultimately his flesh falls off. It makes sense that he would need some time to rebuild his looks.

Pregnancy

This interesting theory goes against the popular rumor that Putin was attending the birth of his fifth baby, the child of his gymnast girlfriend, Alina Kabaeva. Instead, we are left to wonder if maybe Putin has been hiding the secret to not showing at all during pregnancy. We know he likes cute things.

Clones

This theory brings some much-needed additional details to the general cry of "clones" to explain Putin's temporary disappearance. Thank you, JJBang, for clarifying the mission.

Buddy Movie

There could definitely be something to this idea. The movie was widely received as being quite offensive to basically everyone in the world, and I wouldn't put it past the world's strictest leaders to attempt to set the record straight.

Moonscow

One of my personal favorites. You just know that's what they call their flag base on the moon.

Punny

Not so much an explanation of his disappearance as a description of Putin's constant state of being.

Wife Swap

There is a lot of fascination on Reddit with the idea of friendship, or at least some kind of collaboration or cahoots-ness, between Putin and Kim Jong-un. While I feel like I can see the potential for a connection, I'm not going to try to explain it.

Power

I saved this screenshot on my Desktop as "convoluted.jpg." And it goes on, as so many Reddit threads do. This is a pretty good explanation because it's so vague and includes so many buzzwords that it could probably explain away anything at all that Putin was, or could have been, doing.

Berenstain Bears

I just love the Berenstein Bears.

Holy Grail

I'm not going to say that I've never imagined Putin in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. He just fits!

Probably The Real Explanation

Obviously.

Images: Giphy (7)