The parade of green people and the smell of Guinness can only mean one thing — it's St. Patrick's Day. Although many people jump for joy over this Irish holiday, there are others who count down the hours till it ends. And, as an impartial party, I can't blame these people one bit. Because despite the holiday's long list of perks, there are some things about St. Patrick's Day that are absolutely awful.
To those of you who think I'm taking a glass half empty — or, in this case, beer bottle half empty — perspective, please hear me out. I acknowledge that St. Paddy's Day can be pretty amazing. I love participating in the cultural celebrations and feasting on green fare. And don't even get me started on the amazingness that is the Shamrock Shake. That being said, there are some things about St. Paddy's Day that make me wish March 17 was the shortest day of the year. Call me crazy, but I don't enjoy elbowing my way through crowded streets, or fighting off drunk dudes who claim I have to kiss them because they're Irish. And I can't be the only one who feels that way.
It's true that no holiday is perfect, but it seems to me like St. Patrick's Day has a few flaws. Even if you love the holiday with all your Irish heart, you can't deny that these nine factors make St. Patrick's Day a bit unbearable.
1. Looking like a shamrock
If you spend your St. Patrick's Day crawling from pub to pub, you may be tempted to dress head to toe in the holiday's hue. Sadly, that look only works for Gumby and the Lucky Charms leprechaun. But hey, at least the color of choice isn't brown, right?
2. Correcting people about St. Paddy's Day
You never realized how little people know about the holiday until it arrives. But be careful when sharing your St. Paddy’s Day facts, as drunk people don’t take too kindly to being corrected.
3. Hearing bagpipes wherever you go
The high pitch on repeat is enough to give anyone a hangover-level headache.
4. Smelling cabbage all day
Even though corned beef and cabbage isn't an Irish delicacy, people still insist on making it for St. Patrick’s Day. Although our noses enjoy the meat's sweet aroma, we could do without the veggie's flatulence-like scent. Agreed?
5. Being pinched
When you forget to wear something green (or, more likely, choose not to dress in viridescent shades), strangers seem to think it's OK to squeeze your skin with their fingers. Clearly these folks don't understand personal style or personal space.
6. Dealing with drunk people
From strangers at the bar to your very own group of friends, you encounter some awful, alcohol-driven personalities on this holiday. Which most likely means you will be dealing with loud, obnoxious, clumsy humans. Good luck with that.
7. Listening to fake Irish accents
For some reason, alcohol convinces Americans that they do a killer Irish accent. We don't mean to rain on anyone's St. Paddy's Day parade, but we prefer people leave that intonation to real Irish men and women.
8. Fighting off kissers
Are there any holidays where you're not required to lock lips with someone? Not to mention the reasoning behind this holiday’s smooch is far from logical. If you're going to kiss someone, it should be because you are attracted to them, and not because they claim to have Irish roots.
9. Facing the morning after
True, this side effect occurs long after last call. But if it wasn't for the holiday's association with alcohol, you wouldn't have to spend the next day hiding your hangover. The nausea alone is enough to make you reconsider your future St. Paddy's Day plans. Or so you say.