I'm thinking of opening a Derek Zoolander School For Dogs Who Want To Dog Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, now that I have spent the last 10 minutes cry-laughing at this dog who can't catch food his owner throws for him. No matter what Fritz the Golden Retriever has chucked at him, he just can't seem to summon the doggy powers of food grabbing all other dogs seem to possess. But oh, how he tries. He dives for that food with the intensity of an Olympic diver, and just when he gets this close, you get to watch yet another weirdly appealing lunch item fall victim to the concrete.
All of this is made exponentially more hilarious by the fact that his shenanigans have been filmed in slow motion. You can basically see the five stages of grief flash across Fritz's face every time he realizes his food is going down, down, down. Am I a terrible person for laughing at this? Absolutely. But I take comfort in knowing that I won't be alone in whatever circle of hell I get sent to for gif-ing this to death. If you feel like you're still struggling to get into the groove of this work week, pat yourself on the back, friend. No matter how rough you have it, you're doing better than poor Fritz.
Let's examine just how many delicious dreams Fritz let die in the course of this video:
Roast beef? Steak? Some kind of meat
An ENTIRE DONUT
This extremely dramatic taco
A perfectly good burrito
This unsuspecting hot dog
This entire slice of pizza
Guys, until this very video, I did not believe in the words "can't even." Anybody can even. It's not that hard. But I am watching this legitimately trying not to bust my vital organs laughing, and I officially, for the first time, "cannot even" anymore.
You will feel slightly less ashamed of pleasure-watching all of Fritz's failures knowing that he did, in fact, manage to snag... one fry.
LOOK AT HIS FACE. He's so pleased with himself. Fritz basically deserves a parade.
Here's the entire video set to some prolific dog fail music. TRUST ME, it only gets better the tenth time around.
Images: YouTube (9)