You love your dog. You only want what's best for them. But in these best interests, have you maybe been delaying ... The Talk? No, not that talk (I'm guessing you've snipped off both the birds and the bees at this point), but the other, equally important talk: The Adoption Talk. I can't give you too much advice on how to execute it, because there's no easy way to break this kind of news, as evidenced by Oliver the dog's shocked reaction to learning he is adopted. Sometimes you just gotta rip that Band-Aid clean off and tell them whether or not the moment feels right.
I mean, your dog can't be too shocked. There were surely some signs. Your opposable thumbs; your different opinions on what shoes are good for; the fact that you didn't ever want to lick their butts back. But still, unsuspecting dogs like Oliver may have just glossed over these insignificant details and assumed that they were every bit a part of your brood as the small humans that follow other humans around at the park. Its imperative, in that case, that you tell them as gently as possible. Oliver's owner, for instance, decided to tell him right after he woke up from a snooze.
Just so you know what to expect if you go this particular route, at first your dog will probably be all, "Ugh, human, I was having a very good dream about peeing on your belongings again, must you?"
Then they'll realize some Serious Stuff is about to go down.
And then when you finally break the news they'll be all, "WTF, HUMAN, HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN?!?!?"
Don't worry. I'm sure Oliver, like all the other dogs who learn of their true heritage at some point or another, eventually settled into the news with doggy dignity and grace. After all — it's not where you came from, but where you are now that matters most.
Here's the full video of Oliver's owner delivering the news:
And for you reference, here are all the wrong ways to break the news to your pooch.
1. On the way to the veterinarian's office
"Hey, champ. We're cutting off your balls. Also I'm not your real dad."
2. During the season finale of Scandal
"OH NO FITZ DIDN'T hey did I ever mention we're different species? Pass the popcorn."
3. Right in the middle of their birthday party
"Your real mom lives in Toledo. Cupcake?"
Images: Getty Images; YouTube (3); Giphy (3)