Cadbury Combines 7 Flavors In One Chocolate Bar

Have you ever gone to the bodega after a long, hard day at work and stood unblinking in indecision as you gazed at the candy bars and thought to yourself, "Which one of you will numb my feelings the most?" Well, Cadbury has just rendered this nightly enigma obsolete with their newest creation: The Dairy Milk Spectacular 7, a half-pound monster of a confection, is a chocolate bar with 7 different Cadbury flavors. When asked to comment on this new invention, Dr. Frankenstein screamed, "You're playing God! Do you have any idea what you've unleashed?!"

The Spectacular 7 boasts seven different fillings: Caramel, Whole Nut, Fruit & Nut, Turkish Delight (Do people eat Turkish Delights anymore? I mean, I do. I love them, but I thought it was just me and the asshole kid in Narnia who sold out Aslan), Oreo, Daim bar, and Dairy Milk. It was created with the assistance of food artist Prudence Staite, the woman with the world's most magical job, clearly. The news of this sugary behemoth was announced April 23, Shakespeare's alleged birthday, and it's probably no coincidence: If the UK could choose its two greatest contributions to the world, they would be William Shakespeare and Cadbury chocolates.

Before you get too excited there, kiddos, know that your chances of tasting one of these beauties is slim. Only 50 were even made, and you can only win one by re-tweeting @cadburyuk's contest post. Frankly, I think they are missing an enormous nostalgia opportunity here by not putting golden tickets in other Cadbury candy bars, but what do I know?

Until this thing becomes more widely available (and, I should mention, available at all in the U.S.) we're just going to overeat the old fashioned way: buying all the candy you can find and dumping it in a trough.