Jon Stewart Bought A Farm

Is Greenacres the place for Jon Stewart? On Tuesday, Ecorazzi reported that the Left's favorite political satirist Jon Stewart has allegedly bought a farm in New Jersey to provide a sanctuary for rescued farm animals during his post- Daily Show retirement. Some aspects make sense: Stewart and his wife Tracey Stewart are very active in a nonprofit called Farm Sanctuary that rescues farm animals (Farm Sanctuary even named two lambs Jon and Tracey, in their honor), so it's not totally outside the realm of possibility that the couple would want to dedicate more time to their charity work. Yet, the idea of Stewart — one of New York City's most iconic citizens — trading in cannolis and dollar slices for roosters and crop rotations sounds a bit farfetched.

In this crazy Internet world of death hoaxes and photoshop trickery, who knows what's true? Some of the more outlandish claims end up having weird moments of accuracy, then something as simple as a Friends reunion turns into the biggest internet hoax ever. (Not that I'm still bitter...) If Stewart really is buying a farm, then no doubt the animals he's rescuing couldn't be in safer hands.

However — as long as we're investing energy in hypothetical dreamlands — I thought it would be fun to manufacture some rumors of my own! Here are seven made up rumors that make more sense than the idea of Stewart owning a farm.

Naomi Campbell Bought An Old Tire Factory In A Dilapidated Shanty Town

The factory's got a lot of problems, but she's ready to turn it around and bring some commerce to an area that desperately needs it.

Clay Aiken Is Violently Addicted To Cheese

His addiction has taken over his life, and it's turned him into a muenster. Friends and family hope that rehab will help him get cheddar, but it's not looking gouda.

Tom Hiddleston Is Actually A 92-Year-Old Escaped Convict

And pretending to be a dreamy ball of sexy talent is his longest con yet...

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck Are Both Playing Batman In The Same Movie At The Same Time

It's directed by Darren Aronofsky and has already won several Oscars.

Guiliana Rancic Stole Candy From A Baby Because An Executive Producer At E! Told Her It Would Be Funny, Then It Wasn't

Her apology was really heartfelt, though.

Tina Fey Says Goodbye to Hollywood, Plans To Teaching Cold War History At UCLA

The subject has always been a passion for Fey, and she hopes to illuminate minds with her extensive knowledge of the decades-long geo-political tension between the U.S. and its Communist opponents.

Christina Aguilera Accidentally Witnessed A Murder, Went Into The Witness Protection Program To Hide Out As A Nun, Then Taught All The Other Nuns To Sing Toe-Tapping Ditties In A Widely Celebrated Church Choir

She also befriended Kathy Najimy and Maggie Smith in the process. La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-LA!

Images: Giphy (7)