A few years ago, I toured a porn studio and was aghast at the industrial sized barrels of lube that lined the hallways. At the time, I wondered who could really need all that liquid silicone, but now that I've learned about the Japanese sex lube olympics and heard its catchy theme song, I know the answer.
In case you're not a lube enthusiast or "lotionist" as they call them in Japan, here's the low down: a bunch of men and women get together, cover themselves in lube, and attempt a variety of physical stunts. According to Kotaku, the next "Athletic Competition On Lotion" is being held this July in Tokyo, Osaka, and Nagoya, so rapper Cypress Ueno has written the ultimate rallying cry to amp everyone up for the big games.
The "Theme of Lotion" music video depicts lotionists doing what they do best: dousing themselves in sex grease and letting the good times roll. The lyrics celebrate the communal qualities of lotion (I dabbled in Japanese for a few years), and why it's so damn awesome. For those who want to know more about this slippery sporting event (I mean, you'd have to be crazy not to), here are three things you need to know about the sex lube olympics after the video below.
1. It might be kinky, but it's not an orgy
Don't get it twisted, lotionists might have a lube fetish, but they don't come to the games to get naked and screw. Nudity is prohibited, and helmets are helpful, lest you slide your way into a wall or something. Safety comes first! Then, maybe, you can later.
2. Games include obstacle courses, relays, tug of war & sumo wrestling
Think of it like your high school field day or even an office picnic — but with gallons upon gallons of lube. You'll also need to balance your athleticism with a huge dose of humility, because you're gonna fall on your ass A LOT.
3. There's a Sex Lube Sports Association that regulates all this stuff
Lotionists would probably be using butter or baby oil if it wasn't for the strenuous regulations put in place by the Sex Lube Sports Association. Who knows what could happen if they were left to their own lubed up devices?
Images: YouTube; Giphy (3)
