In not so surprising news, Kendall and Kylie Jenner are turning into quite the little fashion powerhouses. And I would know: I follow them on Instagram. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of like we went to Coachella together. Anyway, this May, they released a line of clothes — I'll call them, oh, haute-beachy basics that come at American Eagle-esque price points and are mostly done up in hues of black, white, maroon, and light blue — for PacSun. And I decided to wear them IRL, so that I could answer the age-old question once and for all: Can you wear clothes designed by a teenager if you are not, in fact, a teenager?
By the time I got my hands on some of the PacSun items, Kendall and Kylie had already released a collection for TopShop, obviously hoping that I would "model" both. Ha! Nice try, Jenners. Topshop is clearly a store pitched at my demographic. Where's the poetry in that?! I'll stick to my teenager-y roots, thanks.
However, when I saw a couple of their PacSun designs in person, I grew afraid. There were slits. There were cut-outs. There were very, very short shorts. How could I incorporate these pieces into my normal, highly professional life without getting shunned? Here's what I learned: Like plenty of other things in life, you do it by doing it. You wear the short-short rompers just by wearing the short-short rompers, and perhaps covering them up a bit with an extra layer. As a great philosopher once said when looking over the Jenners' PacSun line, "Do or do not, there is no try."
Here's where I wore the lot:
1. Working at a coffee shop
I slipped into this sassy little romper (WHO AM I?) on an extremely hot day in LA when I felt like if I didn't go to a coffee shop to see and be seen, I would melt into a puddle of liquified, unproductive freelancer. One thing you should know about this romper: the back is COMPLETELY bare. I couldn't quite go there (there are a lot of lingering creepy man-types on the bus to the coffee shop) so I put on a crop top underneath and then threw on a kimono.
At the coffee shop, I locked myself in the bathroom for a quick photoshoot and assessed the situation. The romper was certainly cute. Do you see that pattern? And how the fun little peplum ruffle that makes it look like you're wearing two perfectly matched separates? I definitely felt more pulled-together than I usually do when working at a coffee shop, which was a plus for my freelancer ego. Still, I couldn't stop thinking how much my teenage sister would like the romper. (Spoiler alert: she does.)
On the way home I stopped to buy greens that I could then juice on my new $30 Craigslist juicer. Just another productive day in the City of Angels.
2. Interviewing someone for an article
Don't ever tell me I don't take risks for fashion, OK? On the day when I wore this crop top, I had to meet a model — A MODEL! — and interview her for a big article. I wanted to look professional but approachable — you know, so she'd tell me all her secrets. Instead, I wore a crop top with a crocheted bottom. But look how adorable the v-shaped hemline is!
I was feeling pretty good about my life choice when I left my apartment and began biking to our agreed-upon meeting place, but horror of horrors, I realized I had made two huge mistakes:
1. Wearing a wool sweater while biking on a humid LA day.
2. FORGETTING A BRA.
Don't worry about me, though, faithful reader. I crossed my arms when necessary, ordered a coffee big enough to hide behind, and distracted everybody with my incisive, GROWN-UP questions.
3. Going to a poetry reading
Man, I was so cultured this week that I could just pass out. Mere days after sipping coffee among Macbook-toting hipsters AND interviewing someone for a Popular Internet Website, there I was, sitting among Los Angeles' most underrated literati, consuming the truth of the written word. Who was I, freaking Sartre? (I just pulled the name of a French person out of my mental hat.)
Anyway, for this highbrow event, I needed to do everything I could to disguise the fact that I was wearing something by the Jenner sisters. No offense to the gals, but we all know how snotty the intelligentsia can be when faced with the ephemera of pop culture. I mean, we're talking about the same circles who told me they didn't know the plot of Twilight — but that's a rant for another article.
I think I did a pretty good job disguising the fact that this tank top BARELY HAS A BACK, huh? Crazy what a sweater will do! No, but seriously, I adore this tank top. The pattern is killer, the cut is unique — it rises up in the front and then again, in a more extreme way, in the back. The only problem is that it's basically impossible wear with a bra. So for the second totally inappropriate time in one week, I went without.
4. Getting drinks with out-of-town friends
And now for my favorite little number — high-waisted shorts and a crop top in matching colors, AKA the preferred outfit of any Jenner.
Two of my dearest friends drove in from San Francisco to do poetry-related things, and we "hit the town," as the kids say, on their last evening in Los Angeles. I decided to go cRaZy and pair these separates with a strange, flowy top from Urban Outfitters that has proved to be a surprising mainstay in my closet.
Not trying to make it all about me here, but I raked in the compliments in this outfit. And my over-21 ID got me into every bar I tried to get into. Talk about being an adult!
Actually, now that I think about it, people complimented me more than usual this week. I think it's because I was actually making little outfits out of these pieces, rather than throwing on the nearest pair of sweatpants and hoping I don't run into any of my celebrity friends. (Freelancer fashion problems are real.) Thank you, Kendall and Kylie! You always did have my back.
Images: Tori Telfer. S/o to all the bathrooms that let me take selfies in them, and the truly horrible quality of my iPhone 4's camera.