Chrissy Teigen Shares Her Biggest Regret About Her Pregnancy Loss

“I thought the worst was over but I guess life and emotions aren’t on any sort of schedule.”

by Jessica Wang
Chrissy Teigen at the Grammys
Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic/Getty Images

Alongside some behind-the-scenes snapshots from the “Wild” music video, Chrissy Teigen reflected on her pregnancy loss and the fluidity of grief. The cookbook author and her husband, John Legend, lost their third child, a baby boy named Jack, in October 2020 after pregnancy complications. The couple initially announced that they were expecting in the music video for Legend’s “Wild” last August. In a candid post shared on Friday, Teigen reflected on being unable to watch the music video “without sobbing” as she continues to mourn the loss.

In the stills from the music video shot on location in Mexico, Teigen is “10 weeks along and out of my mind happy,” the former model wrote. “I knew the video would take a bit to get together so thought it would be cute to share our news with the world through the ol classic hand on belly trick at the end.” Teigen also added thay she “could have never imagined what would happen over the next 10 weeks... [I'm]Not sure I’ll ever be able to watch that video again without sobbing, but I hope he feels my tears and knows we miss him so.”

Teigen also revealed that she is “full of regret” for not looking at Jack’s face when he was born. “I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams,” Teigen wrote. “I hurt every day from that remorse... I thought the worst was over but I guess life and emotions aren’t on any sort of schedule.”

In late October, Teigen penned an essay for Medium about her health complications that led up to the pregnancy loss. (Teigen, who shares daughter Luna, 4, and son Miles, 2, with Legend, has been vocal about her fertility struggles and IVF treatments in the past.) “I wrote this because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life,” she wrote at the time. “Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see. Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories."

A month later, Teigen and Legend opened up about the grief in their first interview since the complications on Good Morning America. "I definitely give myself permission to have complete and utter grief," Teigen said. "Every day is so different, so when people ask me how I'm doing, I always say, 'I'm okay, today.'" Legend added, "I didn't know that we could experience this grief and also share it, but when we did, it really meant so much to so many people and it was such a powerful experience for me to learn that. I'm just grateful that my wife was courageous enough to do it."