Life
There's nothing more exciting than finding someone you connect with on another level. A relationship with someone you have a good connection with just feels different. Your conversations may flow smoother, the touches are a little more electrifying, and you two just seem to get each other. If you think your connection is already as good as it can be, think again. Experts say there are small things you can do to make your connection even more intense.
As sex educator and intimacy coach, Susan Kaye, Ph.D., tells Bustle, an intense connection is based on intimacy. When you have intimacy in your relationship, you and your partner feel comfortable enough to communicate. You're able to freely share your needs, wants, and desires with each other.
There are many different ways to intensify your connection, but as Dr. Kaye says, it starts with you. Meaning, you need to feel good about yourself and how things are already going in the relationship before you try to intensify things.
If you're coming from a place of fear or a need to "fix" something in the relationship, it may not go over as well. Forming a deeper connection isn't about keeping your partner hooked to you or the relationship. It's about making something that's already good even better.
So here are some ways you can make your connection with your partner more intense, according to experts.
1
Focus Your Touches
If you're looking to amp up the physical intimacy in a more low-key way, Dr. Kaye suggests focusing all your attention on one singular place. For instance, if you're having dinner together, reach across the table and touch the back of their hand. "With laser attention and light caresses, make the back of their hand the most important body part in the room," she says.
2
Make The Small Things Count
Creating an intense connection with your partner isn't limited to touch. While subtle touches can definitely amp up the energy in your relationship, emotional intimacy is just as important. One way to do that is to make "small connections" with them throughout the day, licensed marriage and family therapist, Heidi McBain, MA, tells Bustle. Send them texts that let them know you're thinking of them, compliment them, or say thank you for something they did for you that day. The little things like this can put a smile on your partner's face and will make them feel loved and appreciated.
3
Identify Their Love Language And Apply It
Love languages are how we like to give and receive love. While talking about it openly can be super helpful, not everyone is interested in doing that. So as Heather Ebert, dating and relationship expert at dating site WhatsYourPrice.com, tells Bustle, "Be more observant about how your partner shows you love because that is likely how they want to be shown love." Then, start adjusting your behavior to mimic this. You'll draw your partner in even more.
4
Show Unconditional Love
"It’s easy to berate a partner when they don’t do something they promised or they don’t meet your more frivolous expectations," Ebert says. "But a little honey can go a long way in these situations." Instead of putting your partner down for doing something wrong, try empowering them. Let them know that you still love them and "their desire to make you happy will skyrocket," she says.
5
Find Ways To Make Each Other Laugh
If you want to intensify your connection, Katie Ziskind, licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle, "Get silly and laugh together." Go to a comedy show, exchange jokes, and and share funny memes. Although being silly may seem like the least seductive thing you can do, the laughs you share will help to bond the two of you together.
6
Share Something About Yourself That You've Never Told Anyone Else Before
Intimacy is all about being vulnerable. So as online dating coach, Mark E. Gibson, tells Bustle, "Bust through your feelings of vulnerability and expose deeper aspects of yourself that your partner is unfamiliar [with]." According to him, it's a "vote of confidence" in yourself and your partner that you trust them enough to share the sides of yourself that you keep hidden.
7
Spend A Bit Of Time Apart
This may sound counterintuitive, but giving your partner space is extremely important. Having a life outside of your relationship will help to keep it healthy and well-balanced. After all, you're less likely to depend on each other for everything when you maintain a sense of independence. According to Andrea Amour, Founder at UpDate Coaching, sometimes letting your partner spend a few days with other people is the best way to remind them that they prefer spending their time with you.
8
Surprise Them
Deepen your connection with your partner by doing something out of the ordinary that they'll really love. "Almost everyone lives by their calendars (gym, work, drinks, repeat), so when you can surprise your partner with something extraordinary, it can blow them away," Amour says. Surprises like taking them to a baseball game or a weekend getaway when they've been stressed will not only show them that you're thinking of them but that you prioritize their happiness in the relationship.
9
Set Specific Goals For The Future Together
"One subtle (but powerful) way to create a more intense connection with your partner is to sit down in a beautiful environment and set collaborative goals together," Jocelyn and Aaron Freeman, relationship coaches and authors of The New Power Couple, tell Bustle. Relationships can become "boring" when you've hit that point of stability and you're not working towards anything anymore. So take some time out to think up specific visions you have for the future like buying a house in a certain city or taking a trip to a foreign country. "Create an action plan together and watch how much more you are attracted to each other because you're creating together," they say.
Having a deep connection with your partner is something you create. It doesn't always happen instantly. So take your time, be playful, vulnerable, and make the little things count. You may find that your connection intensifies more and more as you go along.
