There are a lot of benefits to watching porn with your partner, but, if you've never done it before, it can be an uncomfortable subject to broach. Of course, it shouldn't be, because people freaking love porn. In fact, 24 percent of Pornhub's viewers are women and almost a third of women watch porn every week, according to a 2015 survey by Marie Claire.
But despite the fact that so many people, men and women, watch porn — and the fact that it depicts an activity that you do together — a lot of people feel awkward about watching it with a partner. But actually, watching porn together is a great way to open up a dialogue about your sex life.
“It could be helpful to ask the person to watch sex films with you to talk about what in the films is interesting, enticing, or a turn-off,” clinical and research psychologist, Nicole Prause from UCLA tells Bustle. “Watching sex films before being sexual together can help dispel myths together and start honest communication.”
There are so many ways that watching porn can help your sex life — and it all comes down to how you use it. Some people use it as a turn-on, while others use it more as a learning tool. Here are some ideas to get you started.
1
First, Talk It Through
Unless you're a really sexually open couple who surprises each other a lot, you'll probably want to give your partner a heads-up before you randomly starting streaming porn in bed. It doesn't have to be a big conversation — just say that you want to try something new and you think it would be a sexy thing to do together. Bringing porn — or anything new — into the bedroom should be a choice you make together.
2
Think Of It As Foreplay
Once you've decided you're ready, consider using porn as part of foreplay. “I know lots of women who use it as a way to get aroused,” Carlyle Jansen, sex therapist and co-founder of the female-friendly Toronto sex shop Good For Her, tells Bustle. “Lots of us, especially if we’ve been in a relationship for awhile, don’t feel horny all the time. We need something to get aroused.”
You can put it on and watch it for a little while before turning it off and doing your own thing — or keep it going it the background.
3
Consider Using It To Explore Fantasies
A great thing about watching porn together is it's a way of showing your partner something you want to try, when you don't know how to say it. It's the perfect way to share a fantasy. “You can use it as a way to say, ‘This is what I want to do the next time we have sex,’ especially if you have a hard time voicing your fantasies,” Jansen says. “A lot of women in particular — and sometimes men — struggle with accepting our fantasies. It’s like we have an image in our minds but don’t know how to communicate that without feeling embarrassed or ashamed. Either writing it down or sending your partner a link can start the conversation and make it a little bit easier to talk about those fantasies.”
Send them a link to watch later, like Jansen says, or just put on something you like and see if they get the hint.
4
Use It To Get New Ideas
If you feel like your sex life is in a rut, watching porn as a couple can be useful to spice things up. You might be out of ideas, but porn never does. “Some people use it to get ideas,” Jansen says. “But I think we have to take that with a grain of salt. Don’t watch something really intense, like a piercing, and then be like, ‘Hey, let’s try that!’”
But otherwise, it's easy — put on a video and if you see a position, toy, or role play dynamic you like. Then, give it a try.
5
Use It To Show What You Like — And What You Don't Like
Telling someone that you don't like what they're doing in bed can be really uncomfortable, but you can use porn to show what you don't like as much as what you do. “You can watch it together with a partner and be like, ‘I’d love it if you did that to me, but not that part,’” Jansen says. “Or, ‘I kind of like this scenario but if you were a little more X, then that would work better.’” If you've been wanting to steer sub-par sex in a better direction, this is a way to do it without hurting anyone's feelings.
Watching porn with your partner can be really beneficial once you get over the awkwardness. So talk to your partner about wanting to try it and then go for it. Whether you use it for arousal, for new ideas, or just for a change, it can be a great addition in the bedroom.
