My Trick For Reframing Anxious Thoughts

Since 2016, co-hosts Lindsey Simcik and Krista Williams have provided big-sister advice on their podcast Almost30. Now, in their debut book by the same title, they offer encouragement, wisdom, and practical tools to help readers embrace change and thrive as they move into a new decade. Through candid stories of their own “almost 30” experiences, as well as expert insights from guests like Jay Shetty, Gabby Bernstein and Glennon Doyle, they offer a road map for navigating everything from relationships to spirituality, career to body image, and more.

Below, in an exclusive excerpt from Almost30, Williams shares her perspective on how to discover your purpose when you feel stuck in between seasons of life.

Pre-Saturn Return, I woke up in my Chicago apartment one morning and slowly peeled my eyes open. I sat under the covers quietly for a few seconds, waiting for my anxiety to kick in again. Once it started, the cycle went like this: What am I doing with my life? Why am I here? What is my purpose? At the time, I didn’t know this was anxiety talking. It just felt like I would forever feel lost, purposeless, and alone.

And then there they were — the existential questions that made me feel like I was a prisoner of my own mind. My heart raced, and my breath quickened like it always did, but this time was more intense than usual. I kicked back my duvet and headed out to the living room, where my childhood best friend was sleeping on the couch that weekend. I completely broke down as I plopped on the sofa next to her.

“I’ve never seen you like this,” my friend said. She was right — I had never felt like this before. I had experienced and struggled with mental health, but this degree of anxiety was new. I was stuck in a loop, consumed with the same thoughts and questions, repeating over and over again.

Although it didn’t feel good at the time, looking back I can see how incredible it was that I was so determined to make meaning of my life, to find my purpose. So determined that the thought of it consumed me. What’s not great, obviously, is that I went through so much emotional distress as a result of this seemingly innocent desire. If you can relate to any of what I felt back then, I want to extend to you the same reframe that I wish I’d had to help lift me out of that dark, anxiety-riddled state.

Many years later, when author and mindfulness teacher Manoj Dias spoke with us, during our conversation he quoted the great psychologist Fritz Perls, who said, “Anxiety is excitement without breath.”

As soon as I heard him say that, something clicked, and it made me think back to that previous version of me who had put so much pressure on herself to discover and declare her purpose. What if I had approached this idea of purpose with excitement rather than anxiety? As a process of discovery rather than as pressure? What if I had just breathed?

Manoj and Fritz are right: both the feelings of anxiety and excitement produce an elevated heart rate and a feeling of butterflies in your stomach. Both can potentially make you sweat. The difference is that while excitement is connected to the emotion of joy, anxiety comes from a different emotion — fear.

It is important to distinguish between the two, because when we operate from fear, we are operating from a place of survival, rather than a place where we can take advantage of opportunities and possibilities like we can when we’re excited. Anxiety depletes us and has us running around aimlessly, while excitement motivates us and makes each step part of the journey and something to look forward to.

What if you’re feeling those sensations because you’re pumped about what you might discover, or about what the future holds? By pausing and allowing yourself this reframe, you’re not ignoring or diminishing what you feel, but embracing it, even as you change your story and thought pattern.

We are generally so quick to label intense feelings as bad, but often they creep up during the times and in the places where we are stepping up and stepping into a new phase of life or a new way of being. This is powerful stuff. Understanding and being OK with big feelings like this can help you acknowledge and work with them in a way that’s almost fun.

If you find yourself thinking, “I’m feeling a bit anxious about this,” acknowledge the feeling but shift your explanation for it.

Instead of spiraling and sinking further into anxiety, think about how grateful you are for this opportunity that might just open up a new door for you. Remind yourself that you’re having these feelings because you care and are taking bold steps into your future.

You can say, “Thank you, brain, for flagging that feeling, but I know differently now, and this is actually how I want to perceive what is going on.”

Remind yourself that, right this very moment, you are in a place of possibility. After all, that’s what purpose really is.

Excerpted and adapted from Almost 30 (out now), published by St. Martin’s. Copyright (c) 2025 by Almost 30.