No Shame Sex Ed

How To Maximize Your Pleasure With A Partner

Sometimes it's better to receive than give.

by Lauren Tegtmeyer

When it comes to sexual pleasure, women's pleasure is often left out of the education, the narrative, and therefore the everyday sex happening across the world. (If you listen closely, you can probably hear a woman faking it nearby.) In order to change that, Bustle's sex and relationships editor, Iman Hariri-Kia, sat down with sex, love, and life coach Shelby Sells to talk about pleasure mapping and learning to receive.

Where should we start?

"I really like you and I'd like to make our connection better" is a great place to start. Words of affirmation and open, honest conversations (not lectures) are key.

We're both interested, now what?

Get your bodies in sync now that you're on the same page. Try making intimate eye contact for at least three minutes or cuddle and harmonize your breath.

OK, but isn't this about sex?

Once you're emotionally and physically connected, take your time to explore one person's body at a time. Maybe you take a whole night to explore one partner and another night for the other. Go slow, and allow for pleasure outside of just orgasms.

Great, that's it?

Just remember that people and their bodies are constantly changing. It's important to continue to check in and communicate what you want.

Host: Iman Hariri-Kia

Expert: Shelby Sells

Executive Creative Director: Lauren Sofair

Executive Producer: Whitney Buxton

Producer: Lauren Tegtmeyer

Director of Photography: Marshall Stief

Camera Operator: Jasmine Velez

Design Director: Andenew Ayele

Motion Designer: Jeff Donlan

Editor: Charlotte Carpenter, Nolan Thomas