Entertainment
'Lone Ranger' Action Figures and Toys from Other Failed Disney Movies
If you haven't heard, Disney's The Lone Ranger pretty much tanked at the box office this weekend. But of course, if it's a Disney movie, there has to be a corresponding product to keep the wheels of capitalism spinning. So, if you weren't already offended by Johnny Depp's monosyllabic portrayal of a Native American, you'll definitely be offended by this Tonto wig that is actually available for purchase. Image: The Disney Store
'The Lone Ranger': Tonto Wig
If you haven't heard, Disney's The Lone Ranger
pretty much tanked at the box office this weekend. But of course, if it's a Disney movie, there has to be a corresponding product to keep the wheels of capitalism spinning. So, if you weren't already offended by Johnny Depp's monosyllabic portrayal of a Native American, you'll definitely be offended by this Tonto wig that is actually available for purchase. Image: The Disney Store
'John Carter': Toy Sword
John Carter turned out to be a hot mess of a flop for Disney, full of bad marketing and confusing trailers. Since the live-action movie seemed to be doomed from the start, Disney decided not to license mass-market toys for the movie. But if you look hard enough, you can find some generic costume fare like this plastic toy sword. Image: Amazon
'Prince of Persia': Tiny Jake Gyllenhaal
John Carter reminded audiences of another similar-looking Disney flop: Prince of Persia. That long-haired hero was played by Jake Gyllenhaal, and you can still find a never-been-opened action figure of his character over on Amazon.Image: Amazon
'Treasure Planet': McDonald's Action Figure
If you have at any point in your life been a child and received a Happy Meal from Mickey D's, you know how big of a deal this is. Disney goes pretty hard in their marketing campaigns with Happy Meal toys, a good strategy which, in the case of Treasure Planet, failed. But you can still buy some of those old toys online, like this rather frightening action figure for a character named "Scroop," which is available for a mere $19.Image: Amazon
'Atlantis: The Lost Empire': Light-Up Action Figure
Atlantis, like Treasure Planet, was yet another sci-fi animation film that tanked at the box office. But since then, the movie has developed a cult following, and with toys like this awesome Milo Thatch action figure with a sparking backpack generator, it's easy to see why. It lights up, you guys (side note: is it weird that I kind of want to have this?)!Image: Amazon
'Home on the Range': Lucky Rabbit Plush
Okay, did anyone go see Home on the Range? Because according to the box office, no one was really clamoring to see an animated movie about cows. So I guess you guys won't really be interested in this "Lucky Rabbit" character plush with giant, intimidating eyebrows? No? Anyone?Image: Amazon
'Bolt': Rhino Hamster Plush
Speaking of weird plush animals, how about this fat hamster plush? It's from the movie Bolt, an animated movie which brought together John Travolta and Miley Cyrus (back in the days when she wore more pants). You can use it as a tiny bean bag, I guess?Image: Amazon
'G-Force': Flying Hamster
Here's another weird hamster courtesy of the animated movie G-Force, which also brought you Tracy Morgan voicing a hamster spy. While the movie was a bust, at least this toy can still be bought by people who love RC helicopters, but would rather be flying something much furrier. So basically, no one.Image: Amazon
'Inspector Gadget': Inspector Gadget McDonald's Toy
I actually vividly remember both this toy and the movie. Inspector Gadget was a terrible movie, even by my 9-year-old standards, and the toy was even worse. You had to "build" your own Inspector Gadget, meaning that you only got one part with each Happy Meal. Now you can buy the whole thing for 37 bucks. Go figure.Image: Ebay
'Snow Dogs': Plush Dog
Largely known as the movie that helped kill Cuba Gooding's career, the film was pretty low-budget and did well at the box office, but was derided by critics. You can celebrate this beautiful moment in Disney history with this $225 plush dog. You're welcome.Image: Ebay
