Entertainment

Watching 'The Princess Bride' In 2016 Is Strange

by Mary Grace Garis

Like wide-eyed baby Fred Savage before you, you’ve probably been enchanted by the magic of the late ‘80s fairytale flick The Princess Bride . It’s one of those great films of your childhood you can watch again and again... and then stop watching for 10 or so years until is shows up on Freeform or something. And then, only then, will you begin to realize: there are actually a lot of hilariously (and lovably) ridiculous things in The Princess Bride . Inconceivable!

But, let me give you a refresher of the story first. Westley is a farm boy and Buttercup is a farm girl and they fall in love with each other. Unfortunately, Westley is declared dead while he’s out looking for a fortune to marry Buttercup proper. Five years later, Buttercup is forcibly engaged to marry the evil Prince Humperdinck, and is captured by a ragtag threesome before the wedding. A masked stranger seems to be hot on her trail... but who could it be?

I mean, you already know who it is, and what inevitable happily-ever-after is to follow. Still need more proof that the Princess Bride is a tad stranger than you remember? As you wish. Scroll down for a few of the more unintentionally silly things from your oldtime favorite fairytale.

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1. The Idea That Anyone Can Be Distracted By This High-Quality Piece Of Entertainments

Those graphics are like, next level.

2. Grandpa Shows Up Looking Like A 1920s Gangster

I always like to put my fedora and pinstripe suit on before I launch into a story.

3. When This Ferocious Muppet Tries To Eat Buttercup

Those felt teeth will give me nightmares for days.

4. Sunset Sky Or Beautifully Airbrushed Wall?

I'm just concerned that the clouds don't move...?

5. Westley's Attempt To Hug Fezzik To Death

It's really the piggyback ride that ultimately does him in.

6. This Is The Weirdest Wine And Cheese Night I've Ever Been To

Well, second to Nicole's RuPaul's Drag Race season finale party last year, who pairs pinot noir with gorgonzola?

7. "Inhale This, But Do Not Touch."

Yeah, why not?

8. WHEN WESTLEY ALMOST HITS BUTTERCUP, OMG

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A BEAUTIFUL STORY FILLED WITH ROMANCE AND WHIMSY.

9. "No. A Farm Boy. Poor. Poor And Perfect. With Eyes Like The Sea After A Storm."

I would mock Buttercup for the zero recognition of those sea-after-storm eyes, but clearly the 'stache is throwing her off.

10. The Way Buttercup Chooses To Chase After Westley

They are but simple farm folk.

11. "Death Cannot Stop True Love. All It Can Do Is Delay It For A While."

Well, I guess that calms down my fears of dying alone.

12. Oh, Rizzo The Rat Has Leprosy Now

Sad, really.

13. Definitely The Most Disturbing Thing Here Is Westley's Proto-Man Bun

Actually, I guess it's more of a small ponytail, but it makes me uncomfortable nonetheless.

14. Meanwhile, At Denny's...

15. Wow, Lots Of People Are Going To Respect Prince Humperdinck With That Wildly Oversized Crown Of His

Shouldn't you go in for a fitting before you place an order for one of those?

16. Oh, JK, Everyone Ordered Their Crown In Size Ridiculous

Please proceed.

17. That Week Before Your Eyebrow Wax Is Such A Struggle, I Know

It doesn't make sense to really tweeze it, but they starts to develop a life of their own and it's not pretty.

18. "Bow To The Queen Of Slime, The Queen Of Filth, The Queen Of Putrescence."

Those are like, all my old AOL screen names.

19. I Wonder What Beautiful Curtains Had To Die To Make Those Outfits

R.I.P.

20. "I'm Sure You've Discovered My Deep And Abiding Interest In Pain."

Was it really a wise idea for Grandpa to read excerpts of 50 Shades Of Count Rugen to this small child? I'm just saying.

21. The True Love Story Of The Princess Bride

Fezzik and Inigo forever.

22. The Master Plan To Storm The Castle Was To Set The Giant On Fire, OK

Yup, that is... pretty masterful.

23. "You've Always Been So Kind To Me, And I Won't Be Seeing You Again, Since I'm Killing Myself Once We Reach The Honeymoon Suite."

"Won't that be nice!"

God, Pop-Pop, you just don't understand the angst I'm going through right now.

OK, even with those tiny side-eye worthy moments, it's still a delightful film. Don't wait another 10 years; make sure to dust off your old DVD and watch The Princess Bride today! Or, you know, at least get someone's grandpa to read you the book.

Images: 20th Century Fox (27)