Life

7 Reasons Why February Is The Worst Month of The Year

It was either Lemony Snicket or an anonymous Tumblr user who said, "February is the shortest month of the year, so if you are having a miserable month, try to schedule it for February." As it happens, this is remarkably easy since it's common knowledge that February is always miserable. Here are seven reasons why it's simply the worst month of the year.

The Movies Are Terrible

We already knew that Valentine’s Day movie releases are all the same. But did you know that February movies are consistently the worst of the year? Earlier this month, Slate took a look at Rotten Tomatoes scores for the years 2000 through 2013. The results were clear: February, that movie wasteland between awards bait and blockbuster seasons, is indisputably the worst month for filmgoers.

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The Food Is Terrible

OK, so February isn’t a total food wasteland: beets and sweet potatoes are in season, and if you look really hard you can sometimes find a perfectly adequate banana. But beets and sweet potatoes don’t exactly scream excitement and mouthwatering freshness. Citrus fruits are also in season, but a girl can only take so much grapefruit before she begins longing for some real grapes.

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The Sports Are Terrible

Once every four years we get to feel excited about February sports. Thank you, Winter Olympics! But what about the next three years? Of the four major American sports leagues, not a one is good in February: baseball hasn’t started yet, football has just ended, and basketball and hockey are both in a midseason lull.

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The Holidays Are Terrible

For how short it is, February sure has a lot of holidays. Groundhog Day, Valentine’s Day, Presidents Day — over 10 percent of February is holidays. (Even the calendar thinks we need something to live for.) Unfortunately, they’re all terrible holidays.

On Groundhog Day, people complain if the winter is expected to last six more weeks, and cheer if spring is around the corner — then continue to complain about the weather. Valentine’s Day forces everyone to extravagantly show they care, even if they aren’t feeling it. And does anyone really care about Presidents Day?

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The Weather Is Terrible

Okay, so this February has been especially cold, slushy, and generally gross. But even in years when the month isn’t continually pummeling us with awful things from the sky, February still tends to bring the worst weather. In December, the crisp, cold, snowy weather is a sign of excitement and the holiday spirit. By February, you’re sick of your ugly winter boots and your skin is so dry you may as well be a lizard.

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Your Health Is Terrible

February is at the tail end of a SAD season. Yes, the month is generally pathetic, but SAD also means seasonal affective disorder, that special kind of depression that only comes around when the sun is gone and the weather is gross. February is also the peak of flu season, just to add some insult to injury.

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You Still Have March To Contend With

Perhaps the worst thing about February is knowing that you still have another month of subpar weather ahead. February is like the last 10 miles of a 42K marathon: you’re tired as hell, but you’ve still got a ways to go.

Hang in there. Hopefully, soon, this February will just be a traumatic memory.

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