Tequila has never been my best friend. I really tried — for a few years in college, I would gleefully order a round of the cheapest tequila shots available for my friends (or whoever was standing closest to me at the bar). I’d pour the salt on my hand, sling it back, and pretend not to wince as I shoved a hunk of lime in my mouth. I hated every minute of it.
Of course, tequila and I had good times, too. Whenever a margarita mix was added to the equation, things went marginally better, but it still wasn’t a love match. And yet, the allure never faded. A tequila girl is a state of mind. She’s the “elite level of hot girl.” She is always down. Her Instagram stories are tastefully blurry. She’s the last one to leave the party, and the only one who doesn’t seem at all hungover the next morning. Alix Earle, Kendall Jenner, and Doja Cat are all tequila girls — and who wouldn’t want to embody them on a night out?
Reuniting With Tequila
I rekindled my flirtation with tequila like it was an old ex during a trip to Hacienda Patrón in the highlands of Jalisco, Mexico: cautiously optimistic. The sprawling estate includes an invite-only hotel, La Casona, with 36 suites, an in-house restaurant, and the unbelievably Instagrammable Copper Bar (which sometimes hosts a mariachi band for lucky guests). The luxury property has catered to noted tequila girls and guys like singer Becky G and snowboarding legend Shaun White.
I knew the property would be beautiful, the itinerary would be fun, and the weather would be a much-needed dose of sunshine amid New York City’s frigid winter. I wasn’t sure if I’d come around on tequila’s taste, though. I hoped the pungent liquor would no longer trigger my gag reflex, which has a habit of rearing its ugly head whenever I smell the spirit. But no matter the outcome, I was ready to give the experience my best shot.
Patrón kicked off our Hacienda visit with a distillery tour, where we learned about the brand’s standards for agave plants, extraction methods, and more. From sourcing the very best blue weber agave to hand-bottling each product (and manually tying the iconic green ribbon around the necks of Silver), Patrón has transformed the tequila-making process into an art. At the very end, we learned how to actually taste tequila. Full transparency: that was not a lesson I ever intended to put to use.
I thought, best case scenario, I’d learn how to drink it without outwardly grimacing. But apparently, there’s another option. Take a small sip, let it sit in your mouth for a couple of seconds, swallow, and breathe in deeply through your nose. This method unlocks new flavors, as it invites your other senses — specifically, smell — to help you fully experience the drink’s taste.
Still, after the tour, I was slightly distracted, nervous about what I knew was up next: a tasting where we’d try the full portfolio. We were greeted by flutes of eight different tequilas. A bottle of water and a small pack of Saltines were the only signs of salvation. While Patrón’s master distiller, David Rodríguez García, outlined each spirit’s tasting notes, I thought back to the distillery tour tasting lesson and sniffed away.
This hack did not suddenly transform me into a tequila savant (I still tore through that pack of crackers), but it did expand my palate enough so I could pick up on flavors that were previously disguised by the burning in my esophagus. Suddenly, I realized that David wasn’t gaslighting us when he was talking about all the different tasting notes — hints of citrus in Patron Silver, coffee in El Cielo, and vanilla in Reposado. They were real… and kind of delicious.
I was surprised to find a bottle I loved (not just tolerated). Patrón Cristallino, an ultra-filtered smooth sipping tequila, went down a little too easily. Maybe the secret to unlocking your inner tequila girl is simply finding a formula that doesn’t turn your stomach.
The Curious Case of the Mild Morning
My days of waking up from a long night out, feeling refreshed and ready to do it all over again, ended sometime in 2021. So, after our first day at the Hacienda — which included tequila-fueled late-night karaoke — I fully expected to feel horrible the next morning.
Considering our plan for the day was a trip to the sunny agave fields, where we’d watch a demonstration and plant our own agave plants, I was concerned. (Honestly, it’s hard to come up with a worse activity for a hungover person, except maybe a trip to Disneyland.) Somehow, though, I woke up feeling completely refreshed. Maybe it was divine intervention or the magic of Mexico, but the brand's additive-free formula (agave, water, and yeast) probably didn't hurt either. Patrón is one of the few tequila brands that has never used sweeteners, colors, or artificial flavors.
Free of any headache and nausea, I had seemingly reverted back to a 24-year-old version of myself, who didn’t know how good she had it when it came to bouncing back after a night out. (Maybe quality liquor was the answer to my problem all those years ago?) It wasn’t a one-off miracle, either. I spent my final night at the Hacienda getting tequila poured directly in my mouth from a mysterious bottle shaped like a bird. So, transparently, the prospect of my 7 a.m. airport wakeup was ominous at best. And yet, I woke up sans a soul-crushing hangover.
I don’t think one 72-hour trip to Mexico is enough to earn me the title of tequila girl, but it brought me a whole hell of a lot closer. Margaritas have officially re-entered my list of go-to cocktails — and who knows, maybe I’ll order a round of Patrón shots on my next night out.
