Every day, Bustle’s tarot writer Carolyn Steber turns to her deck to answer readers’ questions.
Q: I’m anxious because my friend is taking forever to text me back.
A: It’s funny how you can sense when something’s slightly off with a friend, especially if you’re super close. If they’re normally pretty good at texting back, then you can give them the benefit of the doubt when they miss a message or two, or accidentally leave you on read. It’s so easy, after all, to see something pop up, laugh to yourself, and then forget to give it a heart.
Sometimes, when a friend takes hours to reply, there’s a good chance they’re napping, driving, or busy at work. In these moments, you can put your phone down, get back to your own life, and trust that they’ll respond as soon as possible. It’s honestly NBD.
Other times, the silence fills you with dread not only because it’s out of character, but because you can tell something’s wrong. If your friend is typically glued to their phone — or worse, you can see them active on social media — then it’ll be hard to shake the suspicion that they’re mad or upset.
The same feeling might bubble up if your friend seems more distant than usual. If it’s clear they aren’t replying to your messages as quickly or often as they usually do, then it’s normal to wonder what’s up. Here’s what might be going on.
Why Is My Friend Not Texting Back?
The Seven of Wands represents self-defense, competition, and the art of facing challenges head-on. As it relates to your friend, it could be a sign that they’re going through something tough, and that’s why they aren’t prioritizing your relationship right now.
Even if you’re just sending TikToks or memes — which feel like low-lift, easy things to respond to — it’s understandable that they might forget to reply if they’re struggling at work or dealing with family drama. It’s tough to reply when your brain is fuzzy or overloaded.
In some cases, this card could also hint at underlying frustration. (Sorry to dial up your nerves.) They might feel like you’re crossing a boundary or leaning on them a little too often, and that’s why they’re putting on DND. Think about how often you text and what you talk about when you do. Is it possible they’re burnt-out?
Should I Ask Them What’s Wrong?
You have a couple of options here. One is to stop fretting about texts and trust that your friendship is fine. While some duos text back and forth 24/7, not everyone has that type of energy — and that’s OK.
That said, if you’re convinced it’s weird that your friend won’t reply, straight-up ask what’s wrong. Send a text or voice memo that says you’re worried about them and have noticed they seem distant. This might be the exact convo they’ve been waiting for, as it’ll give them a chance to vent and explain themselves.
This is also a chance to check in about your boundaries, as well as how you’ve been feeling lately. Let them know how you feel when they don’t respond, especially if you used to chat all the time. Hopefully, you’ll feel better when you get it off your chest.
Next, pay attention to how your friendship plays out going forward. The Eight of Cups suggests the relationship might not be as fulfilling as you need it to be. This card signifies the need to let something go, which could be a hint that you need to release this friend, accept that something’s changed, and go off in search of new people who match your energy.
For more, check out your horoscope.
