Life
For many, staying attracted to your partner can be hard when you're in a long-term relationship. Even in a new relationship, finding ways to enhance your attraction doesn't always come easily. But having lower levels of attraction doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed. Sometimes it's just that you're in a funk or that you and your partner haven't been taking the time to appreciate each other. When you've been with someone for a long time, that initial spark may die down due to a variety of factors, which is totally normal. And if you're attempting to feel more attracted to a new partner, time is actually important factor too.
"The best way feel more attracted to your partner is to give it some time, especially when it seems like all the other boxes on your checklist are checked off," Lori Salkin, Senior Matchmaker and Dating Coach, tells Bustle. "As you get to know the other person and transition from strangers to friends, the attraction can and often does come."
If you've realized that your attraction to your partner has gone down or not reached the level you hoped, here are some ways to feel more attracted to your partner, no matter how long you've been together, according to relationship experts.
1
Watch Your Partner Do What They Love
Seeing your partner's drive may have been a big reason you fell for them in the first place. So reminding yourself of that part of them can do a lot to spark your attraction.
"Seeing our partner shine as their best selves is one of the ways to tap into our attraction for them," Pella Weisman, Licensed Psychotherapist and Dating Coach, tells Bustle. "Watch your partner on a work call, or as they give a presentation, or belt a song out loud in the shower, or play with a puppy or a baby. If you can notice your partner at their most capable, or playful, or vulnerable, you will remember the qualities that drew you to them in the first place, and this will help you re-discover your attraction to them."
2
Change Up Your Routine
Getting stuck in a cycle of sameness with your partner can dull your attraction to them. "Do novel and exciting things together," Anita A. Chlipala, LMFT, and author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple's Guide to Lasting Love, tells Bustle. "Dopamine plays a key role in attraction and falling in love with someone. When couples get into routine, dopamine levels fall. Increased dopamine is associated with novelty. Couples can create a list of activities they have never tried before and incorporate them into their dates."
3
Get Your Adrenaline Pumping
In a similar vein, change could mean taking on adrenaline-inducing activities. "There was a study done in the 70s that found that attraction and fear are often confused by our brain. The phenomenon is called 'misattribution of attraction'. Basically any activity that makes you nervous can increase attraction," Dawn Maslar, author of Men Chase, Women Choose, tells Bustle.
"If you want to feel more attracted to your partner, do something crazy," Maslar says. "Go zip-lining, sky diving, ride on a motorcycle, or go through a haunted house. Even watching a scary movie together can increase attraction. You see attraction is caused by the neurotransmitter norepinephrine, which gives you those butterflies. When you're nervous you produce adrenaline."
But as Maslar says, you don't have to do death-defying activities to get your adrenaline pumping, there are plenty of things to try either from the comfort of your couch to 10,000 feet in the air. It's all depends on what you and your partner like.
4
Stay Present In The Moment
Allowing yourself to just take in your partner and appreciate them in that moment can have a real impact. "Take the time to touch your partner with no expectations: you are not trying to turn them on, you are not planning on the touch developing into something 'further', you are just being in the present with them and noticing their beautiful hands, face, arms, back, belly, or legs," Weisman says. "Sometimes, slowing way down and noticing the small details about our partner's body can re-ignite our love and desire for them."
5
Be Vulnerable In Conversation
No matter how much you love and trust your partner, being vulnerable can be hard, but it really can make the two of you closer and increase attraction. "While this appears to be cheesy, having true, honest conversation will allow you to connect with your partner on an intimate level," Alexis White, Author and Relationship Expert, tells Bustle. "It allows you to connect with them, mind and soul. This level of vulnerability is not to be taken lightly, either; neither is it easy to do."
6
Get To Know Your Partner Better
If you're in a newer relationship learning more about your partner can be a great way to increase attraction. "As with everything in life, meaningful friendships, advanced academic degrees, accomplished careers, being successful takes time," Salkin says. "To be successful in a relationship you need to take the time to get to know the other person and develop from strangers to friends and see them in every single light, and when you do, you might find that you are quite attracted to your partner who was only neutral a month or two ago."
If you've tried different techniques to feel more attracted to your partner without any luck, then it may be time to evaluate whether this is a relationship you want to stay in. Sometimes attraction fades for good and it's time to move on. And if you're not convinced either way, there's always skydiving.
