When it comes to dating — and relationships in general — everyone has a few things they refuse to deal with. Maybe they don't want to be with a partner who has mismatched financial goals, or maybe they refuse to be with someone who doesn't share their sense of humor. And that's OK. These are what we refer to as dealbreakers in a relationship, and they exist to help us figure out what we want.
In general, dealbreakers help people establish boundaries for their future relationships, Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle. "If used in a healthy way, dealbreakers can make sure that certain core values are upheld in the dating process. In a way, dealbreakers can save people from themselves," he says.
These core values will obviously be different for everyone, so it's important to take all data with a grain of salt. But it can be interesting to consider why someone might have one particular dealbreaker.
Here, some of the top dealbreakers for men, according to studies. Again, these things won't apply to everyone, but it may help shed light on which traits some people value — as well as which habits and traits may be considered to be a dealbreaker.
1
An Awkward First Date
According to research from Zava, "56 percent of men said they wouldn’t go on a second date if their date didn’t talk as much." Which many people may consider a bad first date. If someone values conversation and instant connection, it make sense why this may be a dealbreaker.
2
No Sense Of Humor
It's well-known that many people value a sense of humor, when it comes to finding their ideal partner. In fact, according to one poll from Superdrug Online Doctor, a whopping "94 percent of men [said] that their ideal partner is humorous and it’s the [number one attribute] they mention when asked to describe their ideal significant other." So it makes sense why a mismatched sense of humor — or even a lack of a sense of humor — may be a dealbreaker.
3
Mismatched Financial Goals
"Nearly half of men, no matter their salary as compared to their partner, want to share the financial burden of a relationship as a couple or keep it separate rather than let one partner take the stress," according to data collected on CreditLoan.com. So if their partner isn't willing to do that — or doesn't share the same goals — it can be a dealbreaker.
Of course, it's always possible for couples to talk about money, and try to figure out a way to get on the same page financially — regardless of who earns more or less. That said, money issues are something many partners struggle with, so much so that it's a leading cause of divorce.
4
Shyness
How introverted or extroverted someone is can play a big part in attraction, as well as whether or not a relationship will work out long-term — often due to the fact it creates mismatched communication styles.
According to the poll from Superdrug Online Doctor, "only seven percent of men prefer introverted partners, compared with 42 percent of men preferring an extroverted match."
5
Lack Of Ambition
If someone truly does lack ambition, it can be a major mood killer — regardless of gender. And "considering the negative, long-term impact laziness has on quality of life, it makes sense that this would be a dealbreaker for a long-term relationship," Bennett says.
6
Age Difference
As noted the poll from Superdrug Online Doctor, "Men prefer their ideal partner to be an average of five years younger than them, compared with women's desire for a partner only half a year older." So for some, age may be a dealbreaker.
7
Sexual Disconnect
While it's always possible for a couple to work on improving their sex life by reigniting their initial spark, or seeking help for mismatched sex drives, this one can end up being a dealbreaker.
According to a survey on Zava, "couples who have less sex feel significantly less connected, less attracted to each other, and don’t enjoy sex either physically or because it’s boring."
Depending on the person, these factors certainly don't have to be dealbreakers in a relationship, but they can be for some. For couples who are already together, some of these issues can certainly be improved through conversation. So just because something may seem like a dealbreaker at first, it doesn't necessarily have to be.
