If you feel like partner just isn't into the relationship anymore, you could very well be right. Plus, if you've been together for a really long time, emotions can fade. If there are signs your partner isn't invested in the relationship, you should communicate where you both stand to determine whether or not you should stay together. There's no reason to remain unhappy in a relationship, and you deserve to feel valued and appreciated by your partner.
As a certified health coach, I work with clients on feeling satisfied in their relationships, and unless there's a deep, romantic connection with a significant other, it's likely to leave both parties wanting something more. Of course, sometimes it's hard to break things off (it can be really scary to move on to another chapter in your life), but if you're getting the sense that either one or both of you just aren't as invested anymore, it's better to call it quits and find a partner who is more compatible, long-term. This way, you'll give yourself the option to find a more meaningful connection with someone else where emotions are reciprocated. Here are 9 ways to know your partner might not be putting in as much of an effort anymore.
1. They Don't Want To Deal With Issues
"If you are always the one trying to address and fix the problems in the relationship, it’s a sign your partner lacks necessary emotional investment," says relationship counselor Jonathan Bennett over email with Bustle. "Solving relationship problems has to be a two-way street. If one person puts in all of the emotional effort to save a relationship, it's doomed to fail," Bennett adds.
2. They Don't Initiate Sex
"If your partner never seems to be in the mood for sex or even cuddle time, then it indicates an overall lack of emotional investment, and while these might be physical actions, they have strong emotional benefits," says Bennett. "If one partner is constantly having to ask or beg for physical intimacy, it’s going to create a huge strain on the relationship," Bennett cautions.
3. They Forget Important Things
If your partner is forgetting important dates, milestones, or obligations, it could mean that he or she is not as invested in the relationship, says life coach and family physician, LisaHerbert, M.D., over email with Bustle. There shouldn't be a loss in anniversary celebrations and date nights.
4. They Don't Lend Support
Herbert says that if your partner doesn't offer support when you're in need of emotional care, or feel encouraging towards your aspirations and dreams, it means that he or she isn't as connected to you and the relationship. This relates especially to the future, as that's when these goals can come to life.
5. They Don't Want To Have Any Sort Of "Big Talk"
Part of being in a relationship revolves around feeling comfortable to open up, share meaningful conversations, and confide in each other, accepting each other's vulnerabilities. If your partner isn't interested in having those deeper dialogues anymore and the conversation is pretty surface level, it could signify a lack of interest and emotional investment, says Herbert.
6. They Are Always On The Phone
You know those couples where they are sitting out to dinner and both are on their cell phones the whole time, eating silently? Awkward (and very common). According to Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, over email with Bustle, "if you find that your partner is more engaged with text messaging friends or on social media when you're together, this is a sign he isn't present in the relationship."
7. They Make Plans Without Thinking Of You
Sure, a "boys" or "girls" night is super fun and should be prioritized even in a healthy relationship (you can't spend every second together anyway), but if your partner is constantly making plans that don't involve you or that do, but he or she isn't factoring in your feelings about it, then it could be a bad sign, explains Hershenson.
8. They Shy Away From Conversations About Commitment
Thinking about a wedding? A weekend getaway with the family? Whatever stage you're in, if your partner isn't ready to talk about serious topics that involve greater commitment, it could mean he or she isn't as into the relationship as you'd like, says South Florida Licensed Marital and Family Therapist Jason Wasser LMFT, CAP, CHt over email with Bustle.
9. They Only Think Of Themselves
If your partner is always putting himself or herself first (think: They always insist on picking what to eat for dinner, where to go for holidays, or what TV shows to watch), without thinking about compromising or doing something to make you feel happy, it could mean he or she isn't emotionally invested, says Judi Cinéas, LCSW, over email with Bustle.
If you notice any of these instances in your relationship, it could be time to discuss it with your partner or re-evaluate the future of your relationship.