50 Genius Sexting Ideas To Use Right Now

Shy and uncreative texters, rejoice.

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These sexting tips will help you initiate a sexy conversation
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Sometimes, even when the mood is right, it can be tough to figure out what to say when you’re sexting. Nerves can take over, as can the fear of sounding too cheesy. But that doesn’t mean you can’t turn yourself into a sexting genius with a little practice — or, you know, by pulling from an online list of sample sexting ideas.

But before you figure out what to say to initiate a sexy conversation, it may be helpful to know that sexting is incredibly common. According to a 2019 study from the Sexuality, Sexual Health & Sexual Behavior Lab in the Texas Tech University Department of Psychological Sciences, sexting is also a really great way to communicate sexual desires to your partner — aka, all the stuff you really want to try in bed but may be too nervous to talk about face-to-face.

As doctoral student Kassidy Cox noted in the study, “People used to write love poems and steamy letters, then when photography became more commonplace, couples used to take boudoir photos for each other." So, it stands to reason that sexting is the next evolution of how couples communicate, flirt, and engage in foreplay. Even Jack and Rose knew what was up (“paint me like one of your French girls,” anyone?).

Is Sexting OK In A Relationship?

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The short answer is yes (usually). Carol Queen, Ph.D., sex educator and staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, tells Bustle that sexting is absolutely OK in a relationship if the circumstances are right. For one, you should trust the person not to share the material with anyone even if you break up, and make sure that you both actually want to do it. “Even better if you talk specifically about sexting and agree on what counts as sexting, plus likes and limits,” Queen suggests. “If someone is urging you to cross your own boundaries, don't do it.” Also, they emphasize that you must own your phone — please do not sext your partner on a work phone where your boss or an HR person can freely scroll through your dirty messages.

Queen also says to be sure you’re sexting privately and not involving other people, “i.e. doing it where your phone could easily be seen by someone else who hasn't consented to see something that intimate or sexual.” Finally, Queen reminds sexters that in most states, people under 18 cannot legally send erotic photos of themselves. “That would change the ‘is it OK’ answer to no, at least in terms of photos.” You and your partner must both be legal adults who mutually consent to the texts you send and receive.

The 2019 Texas Tech study also pointed out that sexting isn’t always about sex, but it may be a way for many couples to feel close and connected. You might sext as a way to gain affirmation or to relieve anxiety, which can come in handy when you’re in a long-distance relationship and aren’t able to see each other other day. Whatever the reason for sexting may be, here are 50 examples of sexy messages you can send to your partner to get a hot convo going.

Send Sexy Previews Of What’s To Come

“These are a wonderful way to build excitement before a date or when reuniting after one of you has been away,” Queen tells Bustle. And if you’re in a long-distance relationship, the buildup from these juicy texts are going to make the reunion that much steamier. “This is actually a strategy many sex therapists and sexologists would recommend for people who need to add some excitement into a sexual relationship,” Queen adds.

1. I want you to lie back and let me take care of you tonight.

2. I’m wearing something you might like right now.

3. I’m going to let you do anything you want to me.

4. I’ve got a surprise waiting for you.

5. I’m going to make you beg for it.

6. I’m going to make you come so hard.

7. My clothes are coming off the second I get home.

8. I want you.

Text Them Your Sexual Requests

These are not only hot, but also a conduit of super healthy sexual communication. “Sexting can actually be a bridge to talking directly with your partner about things that are important to you sexually,” explains Queen. “Even if you can't find the words in person, you can add your actual wishes and requests in a sexy text.” Then you can bring it up in person and tell them you meant what you said — just be careful not to get carried away and say you’re down for something in a text that you actually aren’t comfortable with IRL.

9. Tell me what you think about when you masturbate.

10. I want you to kiss/touch my [pick a body part].

11. I need you inside of me right now.

12. I want to watch you masturbate.

13. I want you to tease me until I can’t take it any longer.

14. Put it in my mouth.

15. Let me take control tonight.

16. Get over here right now.

Tell Them Things You Like To Fantasize About

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“This is especially great when you want to introduce a fantasy ... and if you are the ‘we can tell each other everything’ types, this can give all kinds of erotic fodder (and narrative structure) to your sexts,” offers Queen. But remember you don’t have to reveal all your deepest fantasies. “It's also okay to keep them private,” she says.

17. I’m picturing you and me with another person.

18. I love thinking about you coming.

19. It’s so hot to imagine you tying me up.

20. I’ve been so bad.

21. That scene from [movie/TV show] was so hot.

22. I like thinking about you touching yourself.

23. I read an article about anal today and it got me thinking...

Send Them Naughty, Teasing Texts

So hot for a long-distance couple. “Like sexy previews,” says Queen, “this helps amp up a sexual charge.” It’s an incredibly fun and effective form of foreplay. “Teasing can also shade into kink play,” adds Queen, “if that's something you both like.”

24. I’m touching myself right now and thinking about you.

25. It’s too bad you aren’t here right now...

26. I like distracting you.

27. I’m so wet right now.

28. I had such a sexy dream about you last night.

29. I thought of something I want to do to you tonight...

30. I just got out of the shower.

31. I’m too busy tonight. You can’t have me until tomorrow ;)

Share Past Memories From A Steamy Night

Bringing up your spiciest memories with your partner is a great way to build intimacy and relationship continuity, Queen tells Bustle. If you are the type of duo that spill all your secrets to each other, “that opens up telling tales from your past, too,” says Queen. “But only do that if you are both super comfortable about it (and it can be done without revealing private info about an ex).”

32. I miss feeling you inside of me.

33. Remember that time we did [fill in the blank]?

34. I can’t get last night out of my mind.

35. I want you to do exactly what you did last time we [fill in the blank].

36. I can’t imagine ever coming as hard as I did when you [fill in the blank].

Shower Them With Flirty Compliments

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This is a good idea for anyone, but especially for those who have a little bit of a praise kink. “Who doesn't love to hear how hot and good in bed they are?” says Queen. “Use compliments to reinforce true things you love about them and having sex with them.”

37. You always feel so good inside of me.

38. I love staring at your [fill in the blank].

39. You make me so wet.

40. I love the way you make me feel.

41. I’ve never felt as attracted to anyone else.

42. I get so turned on whenever I’m near you.

43. The anticipation is killing me.

44. I can’t get enough of you.

When You Want To Respond But Can’t Think Of Anything To Say (Or Are Too Busy)

Sometimes the sexting ideas don’t flow to the brain fast enough, and it’s hard to think of what to respond on a whim — or maybe your partner is just way more into it and it’s tough to match that. Try using simple phrases, Queen suggests, like “me too” and “I can’t wait.” “Then saying something about the next time you get together or the last time you had sex,” they say. “Or fish for compliments! ‘What are the top three things you love about me?’”

45. That turns me on so much.

46. What else will you do to me?

47. What are you wearing right now?

48. Tell me more.

49. I love when you talk like that.

50. Your messages have me so distracted.

More Sexting Tips

These sample sexts should cover just about any scenario and will help you ease into the world of sexting. But if you still feel unsure, feel free to adjust the lingo to stay inside your comfort zone language-wise.

And finally, you can always adjust the level of explicitness, at least to start. Dirty talk doesn’t have to be X-rated to be sexy, and sometimes playing coy is actually more fun. For example, you could say, “Wait until you see what I’ve got on underneath my work clothes,” and leave it at that. Just like that, you and your partner will officially be sexting.

Studies referenced:

Drouin, M., Coupe, M., & Temple, J. R. (2017). Is sexting good for your relationship? It depends …. Computers in Human Behavior, 75, 749–756. doi: 10.1016/j.chb.2017.06.018

Young, G. (n.d.). Texas Tech Today. Retrieved April 06, 2021, from


Carol Queen, Ph.D., sex educator and staff sexologist at Good Vibrations

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