When Astrology Goes Awry

Last year, New York-based actor and singer Alexis Kay Molnar and her boyfriend Cooper* took some astrological compatibility quizzes they found in vintage Playgirl magazines. “Everything was like, ‘This is going to be the most intense, fierce soul connection relationship.’ And we were like, ‘Well, so far so good!’ We got really serious really fast,” she says. (Yes, they’re both Leos.)

She was about to leave the country to shoot a Netflix series, and though she wasn’t a full believer, she booked a reading to gain more spiritual insight into her near future. The astrologer came strongly recommended; Alexis’s friend discovered a gas leak in her apartment two days after the cosmic coach told her to “be mindful of the air.” The expert intuited that Alexis never wants biological children and foretold an issue with her electrolytes. And she said that Alexis and Cooper were fated to be together.

“I told him that and he was like, ‘I knew it,’” Alexis recalls. “He literally had me get my ring size measured.”

Then they broke up.

“The stars were wrong,” Alexis says. Even so, she still pays for Chani, an astrology app. The prediction let her down, but she likes tracking her transits and placements — she just doesn’t want anyone else’s input about what it all means. “F*ck that. I don’t need an astrologer to tell me my compatibility or who I should be destined towards.”

The expert had cautioned Alexis that “not everything will resonate, so take what you can take and ignore what doesn’t fit,” which seems like a suspiciously convenient insurance policy. Because even with a boulder-sized grain of salt, if someone tells you the man you’re in love with is your soulmate, isn’t it kind of existentially devastating when he’s not?

Not One Astrologer Copped To A Mistake

Admittedly a skeptic, I turned to a slew of astrologers to ask what happens when their predictions go awry, but not a single person admitted to ever making an error. If it seemed like they’d gotten things wrong, it was just because someone didn’t know their real birth time, or was supposed to check their rising sign’s horoscope (not their sun sign’s). Barring all that, the predictions were still accurate — they just hadn’t happened yet.

Astrologer, tarot reader, and author Lisa Stardust says, “I would say 99% of the time it is correct, where we're looking at broader energies. You may not get a raise today, but maybe in a few weeks. There are things I wanted when I was in high school that are coming to fruition now because you have to give things energy and love and time to grow.”

Some know how improbable this sounds to a non-believer. “You're going to be like, ‘Oh, gosh,’ and probably roll your eyes. But I've never had a situation where people have said, ‘This doesn't sound like me,’” says Valerie Tejeda, an astrologer and author of Cosmic Care.

Does It Even Matter If They’re Wrong?

Waiting for good things to happen in some far-off someday is all fine and dandy if you’re as calm, comfortable, and patient as a saint, but what if you’re a human going through a hard time? And doesn’t that describe most people who turn to astrology?

Last month, comedian Virginia Dickens was so stressed about a string of confusing dates, a challenging career path, and family issues that her hair was falling out. She sought comfort on The Pattern (another star-based app) and cosmic influencers on TikTok, but her nerves got worse.

“As a generally anxious person, I will read into anything. We just had a super blue moon in Aquarius [in August], and I was spiraling. I thought something big and shocking would happen in my life,” she says.

The way Virginia interpreted the celestial chaos, it was going to be a “make or break” time for her love life. “[It was like,] you’re either going to go to the next stage or it’s going to be over,” she recalls.

The moon came and went. “And nothing f*cking happened. Nothing happened at all. Everything was literally fine,” she says. Today, Virginia still uses the app, but tries to keep a healthy emotional distance from its claims.

Like religion or a 12-step program, maybe astrology is just another way to organize the chaos and reflect in a purposeful way. What if it doesn’t have to literally work in order to be beneficial?

This was the case for Marnie*, who faced a lot of stress this summer while finishing law school, treating a serious illness, and navigating a drawn-out, confusing situationship. “It felt like the only thing that would actually make me feel better would be to look into a crystal ball and see my future. And since that is not an option, astrology and tarot are the closest things we have,” she says.

“I was like, maybe I'm being a little bit spiritually delusional, but I had hope.”

After an hour-long, $160 natal chart reading in July, Marnie understood that the upcoming start of Leo season would be a particularly fun and fruitful time to get out there, set up dates, and meet new people. Which it may have been, had Marnie not spent that week in bed with COVID.

Health aside, Marnie actually wasn’t disappointed. “I needed a channel to talk about my issues beyond what I was already doing,” she says — though she probably won’t book another reading anytime soon.

Sometimes, The Stars Are Eerily Right

After several conversations, it appeared to me that astrology is as accurate as a Magic 8 ball. But then I talked to Alea Lovely, an astrologer and author of Meaningful Manifestation (out in November), who shared a story I can’t stop thinking about.

“I had a dream on February 22, 2020, that my husband came to me. He said, 'Wait for me.’ I saw what he looked like, and he reached out and I felt his hands. I told four of my friends, ‘My husband's coming.’ I was like, maybe I'm being a little bit spiritually delusional, but I had hope,” she tells me. The next month, numerologist Karen Goodson divined that June would be a good month for Alea’s love life. (Numerology is often practiced alongside astrology.)

That spring, during the aftermath of the murder of George Floyd, Alea signed up for Bumble, looking to connect with Black men and offer her counseling services. From there, she arranged to meet a man named David in a coffee shop.

“As soon as I shook his hand, it was like the dream came to me. I had this feeling,” she says. That was on June 4. Ten days later, he said he loved her. A month after that, they got pregnant on purpose and now share a daughter. After four years together (married for two), she says, “He's my best friend.”

These events may have been a combination of coincidence and projection; even Alea says astrology is mostly about confirming your intuition. I’d venture to say that numerology is similar. But even though her story is an outlier (I’ve never heard of anything like it — have you?), I can’t rule out fate or something like magic.

My Turn

To put my money where my mouth is, I had Valerie take a look at my birth chart. She says she doesn’t predict “down to the letter,” but that she can accurately find emerging themes.

According to her, my love life will improve next June (is June good for everyone?), and right now, all my luck is with my career. Sure enough, a few hours before our call, I got an email about a potential job. A few days later, another opportunity came my way — which sounds promising, but I’ve since been rejected from that gig. So... inconclusive. Everything else she told me resonated, but not profoundly so.

I want to be clear: Every astrologer I spoke to was really sweet and thoughtful, and it’s actually to their credit that they weren’t trying to convert or convince me. They were generous with their time and I can absolutely see benefits in the kind of counseling they provide. With an open mind, I get it. But objectively, if we’re just talking facts, I found as many instances of astrology being “right” as it being “wrong.”

If you’re seeking foolproof answers, you may be disappointed, even if the prediction comes true. Take it from Lisa. “I've had people ask me in readings about people they've had a crush on, and they wanted to know if the person felt the same way. I had two situations where I said yes, they do.” She claims that in both cases, the clients found that their feelings were, indeed, reciprocated.

But then she said something that gobsmacked me: “You can tell a lot of things about relationships from astrology, but the one question no one ever asks is, will I be happy?”

And if she told you, would you even believe her?

*Name has been changed.

Expert sources:

Lisa Stardust, astrologer, tarot reader, and author

Valerie Tejada, astrologer and author

Alea Lovely, astrologer and author