It’s a tale as old as time: You meet someone cute, you go on a string of fun dates, and right when you start to feel a real connection with them, they
leave you on read for three weeks — making you question everything you thought you knew about love and contemplate joining a convent. Before you throw your phone in a blender and give up on dating forever, these 21 texts to send when you think you're about to get ghosted will help you speak your piece and set the record straight.
When the sparks start to fly with a new cutie,
being left in the lurch can be super disappointing. After putting on real pants to meet someone for a drink, the least they can do is text you back in a timely manner. While ghosting can feel incredibly isolating, the majority of daters have been through it. According to a 2020 survey from dating app Hinge, a whopping 91% of users report being ghosted. Though you may never be able to change a human trashbag with no regard for others, you can certainly stick up for yourself. You also can encourage open and honest communication with the people you date — even as you’re calling it off.
From jumping the conversation to a respectful rejection, here are 22 texts for when you see ghosting on the horizon.
“Seems like our communication has been drifting a little bit. Are you still into this?”
Being direct and checking in with your crush is a solid way to go, especially when you want an upfront answer.
“It's been fun texting, but I'd love to meet up again.”
If you’d rather see them in person to talk through things, give them a chance to plan something out with you. If they’re more of a
dry texter rather than someone about to ghost, chances are this might work. “I’m getting tired of all my workout playlists. Have any good music recs?”
For music lovers, this message is like a CTA. It could be beneficial to bring in something you both have in common to see if they’re open to starting the conversation back up again.
“You wouldn’t *believe* what my roommate did today.”
Want to pique their interest and see where it leads? Their answer to this bold choice could potentially show you once and for all whether or not they’re intending to ghost.
“Want to get pizza tonight?”
This option opens a situation that is casual, but more elevated than just a drink, so it’s a good gauge for where you both stand. Also, if they say no to pizza, they’re probably not the one anyway.
“I’m feeling some distance here. We don't have to keep talking if you're not interested.”
Short and to the point, this text will either give them an out (and you an answer) or push them to bridge the communication gap.
“This has been really fun, but I think we’re looking for different things.”
Getting the vibes that you and your crush don’t have the same vision for your future relationship can be disappointing, but it’s better to know that ahead of time.
“10s don’t get left on read.”
You know what they say... go big or go home. If you know it’s over and you deserve better, sending this text might be all you need to move on.
“I’ve been having fun with you, but I lose interest when we don’t talk for weeks.”
If you’re still hoping there’s a connection, but want the lack of communication to change, this is a great message to send.
“Hey, if you’re not feeling it anymore, you have to let me know. This guessing game isn’t fun.”
Sometimes people who don’t intend to ghost end up doing it unintentionally, for a variety of reasons. Get a pulse check on them by letting them know that you aren’t having fun trying to decipher their silence.
“I know we joked about me being a witch, but I can’t really read minds.”
If you and your crush share a sense of humor, this can be a fun way to check-in and see if they’re still interested.
“We don’t have to date, but I do want my copy of Dog Songs back.”
Did you lend your crush something you want back, or do you want to have a reason to see them just one more time? Either way, this message can work.
“It’s been a minute, what have you been up to?”
Simple but straightforward is the key if you really aren’t sure where things are going, and you don’t want to put forth more effort than you’re getting back. This text could also work if you haven’t been consistent with communication yourself.
“I’m getting the sense you’re looking for something more casual than I am. I wish you the best.”
When you know, you know. If you get the vibe that you and your crush simply aren’t compatible with what you’re looking for in a relationship, it’s time to cut the cord.
“I take it you’re better at IRL conversation than texting. Want to get coffee?”
Sending a cheeky text to poke fun at their sudden disappearing act can work if you and your crush have a habit of roasting each other. Plus, it might lead to an actual date this time.
“I’m getting mixed signals from you and I want to know where you’re at.”
If you’re looking to cut the BS and just get straight to the truth, here’s your text.
“Hey, I’m super into you and thought we had a connection. Totally cool if that’s changed, but I’d appreciate knowing what’s up.”
Maybe you’re not very confrontational, and that’s OK! It’s totally fair to let them know that you’re still into it, and you’re open to having a conversation about the current state of things.
“I was just thinking about you the other day. My roommates got takeout from that Sichuan place that you love. How are you?”
This text shows your crush that you’re still thinking of them and that the connection has clearly meant something to you. This is a good way to check-in and see if they feel the same.
“I’m not sure what happened, but I don’t do hot and cold. Good luck out there.”
Don’t lower your standards for anyone. If ghosting is a dealbreaker for you, then say goodbye.
“It seems you’re pretty busy these days. Hit me up if you ever want to grab a drink.”
For a last-ditch effort, this text can signal that you’re open to giving it one more try, but that you won’t beg.
“Did you finally throw your phone in the ocean and move to the woods?”
While being a lighthearted joke, the answer (or maybe lack thereof) to this text tells you everything you need to know.
“How did that big meeting go?”
For most people, it’s touching to have others remember smaller details about what’s going on in your life. Your crush might find meaning in this kind of message, and feel called to reconnect.
Additional reporting by Lexi Inks
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This article was originally published on
March 8, 2021