How To Be A Producer’s Favorite (Even If You’re An Introvert)

Years after guiding hundreds of Bachelor and Bachelorette cast members from their first dream dates to their finale engagements, Julie LaPlaca can’t help but wonder what it might feel like on the other side of the camera. “Being on reality TV is definitely a mental challenge where you’re going to be pushed outside your comfort zone,” the former reality show producer says. “Your feelings, fears, and wounds all rise to the surface.”

It was LaPlaca’s job to turn those emotions into the kind of narrative gold that keeps millions entertained. But making great television is a two-way street. Producers can’t do it without compelling-enough contestants — and contestants can’t do it without their producers’ expertise, either. “We’ve put our outside lives on pause to be in this with you,” says LaPlaca, whose memoir about her time in reality TV, The Love Producer, is out July 7. “Let’s do this together.”

In the ever-expanding world of reality TV — where hopping from show to show has become its own career path and influencer opportunities are numerous and lucrative — there’s no doubt that developing collaborative relationships with your new bosses is a smart move. Even if producers can’t always guarantee extra storylines or safety from elimination, every compelling minute they get from their cast is a win for everyone. “A huge part of the success of these shows is the relationship between the cast and their producer,” says Olivia Ravasio Banghart, aka “Liv on Air,” a former producer who worked on series such as Dancing with the Stars and Married at First Sight. The most successful producer-talent relationships require a ton of trust on both sides — and if you can make it work, you can make it far.

“It definitely pays to be a producer’s friend,” says LaPlaca. “If you’ve become a producer’s favorite, we want you to stick around just as long as you want to stick around.” So what does being a favorite actually entail? We asked several reality show veterans who’ve worked across multiple genres what they’ve learned about standing out with the people deciding your fate.

Be on time (no, really)

TV shooting schedules involve so many moving parts that punctuality becomes even more crucial than it might be in a corporate office. Have you ever had a co-worker run late and mess up your whole day? Now imagine you’ve done it to hundreds of people who can’t move on until you’ve shown up.

“Being super late is a huge issue that has a reverb effect on the rest of the day,” explains Banghart. “The people who are working with you are also working very, very long hours to make this show possible. They just want to do a good job.”

“They liked who you are. They don’t want you to try and become the ‘reality TV’ version of yourself.”

“It’s just rude, honestly, when you don’t respect the other employees and what they’re all doing,” adds LaPlaca. Even something as innocuous as taking a bit longer than expected to get ready for a date — a deeply normal and relatable situation in the real world — can create a disastrous domino effect. On The Bachelor, LaPlaca explains, that could mean “over 100 people waiting on you. Sometimes we’ll be filming at a location that has a hard out, or we only have until sunset or sunrise. There’s a huge spiral effect that happens from being delayed, and the schedules are intense already!”

Granted: Anyone who’s ever worked in reality TV will admit that you don’t have to be a good or empathetic person in order to succeed in the format. But if you’re trying not to make anyone pull their hair out, being on time is the most basic way to signal to producers that you can be a reliable collaborator.

Be prepared to (over)share — but play to your strengths

Being an introvert isn’t necessarily a deal breaker for getting on a reality show; it takes all kinds of personalities to make up the most compelling casts on TV. But every producer I spoke with agreed that they’d prefer an overly dramatic cast member to one who’s too guarded. And while they have methods to help you get comfortable — getting to know you, pairing you with producers you vibe with, keeping conversations friendly and casual — there’s only so much they can do if you’re not willing to open up. “People who are closed off and hold back from being fully, authentically themselves will not be a producer favorite,” LaPlaca says. “Also, you won’t be able to get out of the show what you want to get out of the show.”

To avoid this scenario, Banghart proposes that aspiring reality stars ask themselves a few questions even before applying: “Are you willing to let other people in on your emotions repeatedly? Even when it’s painful? Even when it’s uncomfortable? Are you OK having other people come along on the journey with you? Or are you much better processing that stuff by yourself?” If so, a career in the academy of dramatic reality TV tricks might not be for you.

“This is a job, and showing up to your job is helpful. That means they need to be listening, understanding where they are in the episode, and actively in this moment.”

Being upfront and clear about your feelings will also help you in other stages of production. If you try to skirt a topic, producers will notice — and it might come back to bite you during confessional interviews, according to one anonymous story producer who’s edited reality TV for almost 15 years. For series that follow the daily lives of its cast (think Real Housewives), the editor says, “I watch everything that was shot for my episode and think about what questions and interviews I need to tell the story — and a lot of times it’ll be about the kind of stuff that people don’t want to talk about, because they were cagey about it in the scene.”

If you’re just not sure how to act on reality TV in general, though, not all is lost! Take Top Chef: 23 seasons in, Bravo’s landmark cooking competition has cast plenty of chefs who are way more at ease working in the back of a kitchen than appearing as themselves on TV. But Top Chef producers like Doneen Arquines — who joined in Season 1 as a production assistant and is now the showrunner — know how to make every kind of character pop. “You don’t have to be the loudest person in the room to make an impact on screen,” she says. “There are a lot of chefs who have been quiet but creative and skilled that become favorites in the end.”

You can, in a sense, choose your moment: Maybe you’re quieter in the kitchen during challenges but give slyly funny confessionals. For producers, cast members who are charismatic narrators are just as valuable as extroverted drama-stirrers.

Don’t worry about your edit — there’s not much you can do

“Having a successful journey on a reality show is remembering that you were cast for a reason,” Banghart says. “They liked who you are. They don’t want you to try and become the ‘reality TV’ version of yourself. They want the person they cast.” Fighting your instincts won’t just be exhausting for you, but it will be incredibly frustrating for the producers and viewers trying to get to know you.

Producers are now on high alert for anyone they think might be “self-editing” their own storylines instead of just letting things play out naturally. Throughout her 20 years of Top Chef, Arquines has seen plenty of cheftestants try to create their own characters only to have them flop. “People who come in trying to be a certain way just come off as inauthentic,” she explains. “It doesn’t really work.” While she’s sympathetic to anyone angling for a career boost — especially when the relentlessly grueling food industry leaves so many chefs burnt out and broke — she maintains that pushing a persona will never guarantee you more airtime, let alone the audience’s affection. “Top Chef is a great way to get your name out there,” she says, “but being yourself is the best way to do it.”

“Once you stop trying to figure out what’s happening all the time, you’re going to have the most fun.”

The anonymous story producer can spot a self-editor a mile away. Sometimes, contestants aren’t pretending to be someone else so much as they are nervously trying to preempt any missteps. “When I say people are ‘not on camera,’ it’s because they’re so in their heads that they’re already producing themselves,” he says. The irony is, the tighter their grip, the more work the show has to do. “The less guarded somebody is,” he explains, “the less cutting around things I have to do.”

Other times, self-editors are simply trying — and failing — to act like other reality show characters who have already been successful. But as the story producer points out: “If you’re trying to emulate somebody else, you’re never going to be an original — and the people that pop are the ones who are original.”

Be open to the unexpected

If you do get the call to be on a reality show, you can do your best to prepare. You can watch other seasons of the show, study up on its history, and try to understand why one person won and another didn’t. But if you spend all your time thinking too hard, you won’t get to fully experience the surreal ride you signed up for in the first place.

“If you’re constantly trying to figure out what’s coming and make it what you want it to be, you’re never going to be happy, because you don’t have control over it,” says Arquines. And as Banghart points out, anyone trying to stay five steps ahead risks missing out on what producers need from them now. “Most casts now realize this is a job, and showing up to your job is helpful,” she says. “That means they need to be listening, understanding where they are in the episode, and actively in this moment.”

“When I say people are ‘not on camera,’ it’s because they’re so in their heads that they’re already producing themselves.”

Plus, cast members who stay present and flexible will probably just have a better time than those sticking too hard to their plans. “Once you accept that things are just going to be different every day and stop trying to figure out what’s happening all the time,” says Arquines, “you’re going to have the most fun.”

That’s something LaPlaca, who writes in her new book about how close she came to leading her own season of The Bachelorette, thinks about a lot. After creating so many fantasy dates and jaw-dropping moments for other people, she can’t help thinking about what it would’ve been like to be on the other side.

“Working on shows like The Bachelor deeply changed the way I viewed emotional honesty and the importance of, as they say on the show, ‘wearing your heart on your sleeve,’” she says now. “The people who allow themselves to fully feel, express, and lean into everything that comes up are the ones who grow the most and get the most out of the experience.” If she had become the Bachelorette, “I would have taken the same advice I preached to others for so many years — because I’ve seen the results and know it’s worth it.”