Out of the countless personality tests available, the love languages one is quite possibly the most popular when it comes to relationships. Created by a pastor named Gary Chapman, the Five Love Languages are words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and gifts — each of which signifies how you prefer to show and receive love. Knowing which one you are can help inform you (and your partner) about the best ways to strengthen your relationship.
As the name suggests, the quality time love language refers to those who enjoy spending present, intentional time with their S.O. and feel loved when doing so. This can involve anything from deep conversations sans screen time to regular date nights. Similarly, people with a physical touch love language enjoy showing affection physically, whether that be holding hands or sharing in physical intimacy. While they’re different methods of expressing love, there are still some interesting factors to consider in the compatibility of quality time and physical touch love language types.
Understanding the elements of your love language, and especially that of your partner, can significantly benefit your relationship, according to professional matchmaker and dating coach Thalia Ouimet. “Our relationships are so much more enjoyable and meaningful when we are loved the way we want to be loved,” she tells Bustle.
If you and your partner are a pair with a quality time and physical touch love language combination, keep reading for some expert insight on your compatibility.
Quality Time And Physical Touch Sexual Compatibility
When one partner values spending time with the other, and their partner desires physical closeness or intimacy, there are several ways both needs can be fulfilled. “This match could work well together if, for example, you spend time with your partner watching a movie cuddled up on the couch,” Ouimet previously told Bustle. That gives one partner the quality time they need while the other gets physical touch via cuddling. The inclusion of both love languages in this situation could easily translate to the bedroom as well, where physical intimacy and intense emotional connection can combine: Cuddling and pillow talk post-coitus could also satisfy each partner in this pair.
According to relationship expert Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, these two love languages have the potential to be very compatible as long as they value each other’s preferences. “Quality time can easily turn into intimate time, resulting in a ‘win-win’ for both people,” she says. “If this couple can be physically close to one another — through holding hands and PDA — even outside of the bedroom, they have the potential to thrive.”
Even so, someone might not be in the mood for intimacy every time they hang out, Ouimet points out — which is why it’s always important to express your needs and boundaries with each other.
Quality Time And Physical Touch Emotional Compatibility
As with any couple who has different love languages, having empathy and some level of emotional intelligence is key to ensuring that your partner is also as happy with the state of your relationship. With quality time and physical touch, this is no exception. “The emotional compatibility [of quality time and physical touch] is dependent on two partners’ EQ and IQ, sense of humor, and their level of depth,” Ouimet says. The presence of those traits can make for a harmonious and loving relationship.
Quality Time And Physical Touch Communication
According to Ouimet, regardless of you or your partner’s love language, being able to have healthy and open conversations about your needs and feelings is a developed skill. “Communication is the most important factor to a healthy successful relationship,” she says. “Not everyone was born with good communication skills, but it is a skill set that can be learned.”
If the partner who needs quality time can openly express that they need a regular date night, or if the partner needing physical touch can advocate for their needs and share that they want to feel more loved via physical intimacy or affection, this pairing can be a good match.
Quality Time And Physical Touch Dating Compatibility
When it comes to dating, a couple with quality time and physical touch love languages can be a great pair as long as they communicate well. “Quality time and physical touch can be a good pair, but only if two people take the time to explain to each other what their expectations are,” Ouimet explains. For example, if the partner who values quality time wants to spend intentional time with their partner but isn’t in the mood for much physical connection, the partner with the physical touch love language should respect that boundary and plan for another time where they can get their needs met.
Quality Time And Physical Touch Friendship Compatibility
With communication and respect for each other’s needs, Ouimet says that friends with quality time and physical touch love languages can build a great bond. “It comes down to expectations and understanding your friend. For example, some people are huggers and they enjoy getting a hug every time they see a friend, meanwhile someone who has a quality time love language might not be a big hugger,” she explains. Learning how to balance the expression of love and appreciation for each other can create a healthy platonic pairing.
Potential Problems In A Quality Time And Physical Touch Relationship
While the two love languages can make for a great pair, Ouimet explains that they aren’t automatically compatible in all situations. “Quality time and physical touch can have its only set of challenges because quality time doesn’t equal physical touching,” she says. “You could be in the same room with someone, on the same couch watching the same movie, but not be touching. Then, the person who has the physical touch love language may not feel loved.” It’ll be important to make this distinction clear to your S.O. if you want to make sure you’re both getting what you need.
Are Quality Time And Physical Touch A Good Match?
With the quality time and physical touch love languages, there can exist a fluidity that allows one to naturally coexist with the other. “If the couple is aware of their differences and strives to spend quality time together while being physically close, this could be a match made in heaven,” Bronstein says.
“The truth is all the love languages can be good matches,” notes Ouimet. “It all comes down to [whether you] can give a different type of love that you normally don’t enjoy receiving.” Taking the love languages quiz with your partner, discussing what ways you each prefer to give and receive love, and making a regular effort to meet those needs are all necessary steps to take for a successful partnership.
Thalia Ouimet, professional matchmaker and dating coach
Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, relationship expert