When you think about spicing up your sex life, you might consider staying up all night, expending a ton of energy, and contorting yourselves into positions worthy of an Olympic gold medal. And while experimenting with new positions or toys is always exciting, all that work might be daunting for a Monday night. Besides, the best lazy sex positions will serve you and your partner just as well.
Now, lazy sex doesn’t equal boring sex. It’s simply about finding good sex positions for when you’re tired or sleepy, so that you can have a good time without having to move too much. In fact, according to sex therapist Vanessa Marin, lazy sex is often just as fulfilling as intense sex. Even if you aren't super tired, it can be a refreshing change of pace to take things slower, and maybe even incorporate more relaxed and intimate activities, like 69 positions.
Marin also points to SKYN Condoms' 2021 Sex & Intimacy Survey of 2,000 people aged 18 to 39, which revealed that the top sex positions aren't anything fancy or acrobatic. In fact, 58% of survey participants rated doggy style as their favorite sex position, followed by missionary. “So if you don’t feel like preparing for a marathon before getting down, you are definitely not alone,” she tells Bustle.
Pelvic floor physical therapist and sex counselor Dr. Sara Sohn also tells Bustle that “great sex doesn’t have to involve insertion at all, and it doesn’t have to involve physically demanding positions.” Sohn refers to lazy sex as “chicken noodle soup sex” — pointing to the idea that, like the popularly comforting soup, sex doesn’t always have to be experimental or spiced up. Having comfortable and simple sex can be just as satisfying. As an advocate for understanding sex in a scope that includes the LGBTQIA and disability communities, Sohn provides us with several ideas (examples 9 through 11) about how sex can be inclusive and more accessible for all bodies.
And before trying anything new or having sex when sleepy, don’t forget to get affirmative consent and discuss intentions and boundaries, to ensure everyone’s on the same page. With that in mind, here are the eleven best lazy sex positions, according to experts.
How To Do It: Both of you lie on your sides, facing the same direction. Lift your top leg, and have your partner move up behind you. Then, lower your leg and scoot your butt closer to their crotch. You can change the angle by bending forward at the waist.
Why It Works: Both of you get to relax in this super comfy position, slowly grinding away.
For Peak Relaxation: Take turns being the one in charge of the movement. You can tease each other by seeing how slow you can go, or by seeing how small you can keep your movements.
2. Seated Oral
How To Do It: Sit on a comfy sofa or chair. Have your partner sit on the ground cross-legged in front of you, with a pillow under their body for extra cushiness. From there, they can perform oral on you, and then you can switch and do the same for them — no massive amount of energy necessary.
Why It Works: Receiving oral sex is about as easy as it gets, but this position makes it easier on the one giving it, too, because they won't have to contort themselves.
For Peak Relaxation: Try it out on a bed. Your partner can crouch between your legs, while you sprawl out on your back. (Definite risk of falling asleep here, though.)
How To Do It: Have your partner sit up in bed — perhaps while leaning up against the wall — with their legs crossed or outstretched. Straddle your partner, facing them, and lower yourself onto their penis or dildo. Sit in their lap, and wrap your legs around their body.
Why It Works: You can’t move around that much in this position, which makes it great for lazy sex. Fortunately, even the most subtle grinding can feel great. Plus, it’s a really sweet and intimate position.
For Peak Relaxation: Take a page from Tantric sex and practice breathing with each other and making eye contact. Try squeezing your PC muscles, and pulling your partner even deeper into you.
How To Do It: This is similar to Side-by-Side, only your leg is up. Both of you lie on your sides, facing each other. Lift your top leg, and have your partner enter you. You can rest your ankle on top of your partner’s ankle, or keep your legs closed.
Why It Works: You may have to change the angles of your bodies and the positioning of your legs to find the right fit, but once you’re in, it’s easy to gently rock back and forth. This is another incredibly romantic and sensual position, and one that is easily done while lying comfortably on your sides.
For Peak Relaxation: Try draping your top leg over your partner’s body. You can pull them deeper into you simply by squeezing your leg tighter.
5. Side 69
How To Do It: Lay on your sides, facing each other, but with the opposite head-to-toe orientation. Your partner’s head should be in your crotch region, and their head should be in yours. Both of you can go to town on each other with your mouths and hands.
Why It Works: Traditional 69 positions can be tough for the partner on top. It requires a lot of strength and balance, so as to not fall over. This version is much easier on both parties.
For Peak Relaxation: Bend your top leg, and rest the weight on your foot. Your partner can do the same. This will allow more access while you perform oral on each other.
6. Sofa Straddle
How To Do It: Have your partner sit on the sofa. Straddle your partner, facing them. Lower down onto your knees. Hold onto their shoulders or the back of the sofa for leverage.
Why It Works: Like in Lotus, even the most subtle grinding feels amazing. This position basically feels like a super sexy cuddle sesh.
For Peak Relaxation: Have your partner fully recline against the sofa, so you can fully recline against their chest. Or see if you can actually lean your head over their shoulder, onto the back of the sofa, so that you aren't holding yourself up.
7. Mutual Masturbation
How To Do It: Easy peasy. Lay down in bed together and do your thing as you normally would when you’re on your own!
Why It Works: Most of us already have our lazy masturbation routines down pat. This position requires minimal effort, but it’s something that not a ton of couples do together.
Tenga's 2019 Self-Pleasure report, which surveyed 10,000 men and women across nine countries, revealed that 91% of American men say they masturbate and 78% of American women say they masturbate — so there's a pretty good chance your partner does, too. Why not do it together? It's low-effort and pleasurable, but will still feel novel and exciting.
For Peak Relaxation: Let a vibrator do all of the work for you!
8. Sofa Doggy
How To Do It: Kneel while facing the back of the sofa. Drape the top of your body over the back of the sofa. Have your partner stand behind you and enter you.
Why It Works: You’re essentially lying on top of one of the cushiest surfaces in your home. And all your partner has to do is stand there and move gently back and forth, so it's easy for both of you.
For Peak Relaxation: Bend over so you can rest your head on the top of the sofa. Just try not to fall asleep!
9. The Sheet Leverage Trick
How To Do It: Grab a sheet or towel and wrap it around the hips of the partner receiving insertion, pulling them closer. For example, in doggy style the person on top can wrap the sheet around the receiving partner’s stomach and hips and hold on both sides.
Why It Works: The receiving partner can get into a more relaxed position while the penetrating partner has more leverage, thanks to the sheet.
For Peak Relaxation: Dr. Sohn recommends placing a pillow underneath your knees or hands, and using a soft bedroom sheet.
10. Erogenous Zone Mapping
How To Do It: Prior to getting it on, collect a few household items that will create various sensations (like hot or cold items, soft or firm items, etc). Dr. Sohn advises to make sure that your partner is comfortable with them, and that they are clean and safe to use on the body. In the bedroom, you can use these items to touch your partner with and experience all the different sensations. For a sexy game, Dr. Sohn even offers the idea of having your partner guess what the objects are as they feel them on their body.
Why It Works: This unique idea requires no physical contorting or discomfort, and instead provides a way to learn all of your partner’s erogenous zones.
For Peak Relaxation: Each partner can take turns receiving the object stimulation while listening to soft music, wearing a blindfold, or using headphones to tune out and enjoy the physical sensations.
11. Wedge-Supported Missionary
How To Do It: Dr. Sohn suggests buying a wedge pillow to place under your back during missionary. You can use either the thicker or the thinner side under the receiving partner’s bottom.
Why It Works: The penetrating partner can reach various angles easily with the help of the wedge, and it can also make missionary more comfortable for anyone who has trouble laying flat on their back.
For Peak Relaxation: Get a soft wedge, and try it out during solo sex to see how it works best for you.
Vanessa Marin, sex therapist
Dr. Sara Sohn, DPT, PT, WCS, and sex counselor
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