Have you ever questioned what your partner’s long-term relationship goals might be? Have you wondered if they have a good time in bed? Or have you simply puzzled over what’s going on inside their head? If you answered yes, then you need this list of questions for couples to help you get on the same page.
Whether you ask each other fun questions on a date night or get into the nitty gritty about the future, it’s extremely important for couples to have conversations both big and small, says Valeria West, MHC-LP, a psychotherapist and owner of Intuitive Healing Psychotherapy Practice. “There can be powerful stories that arise even from couple questions that seem silly or inconsequential,” she tells Bustle. “When couples get to know their partner’s inner world in a way that feels meaningful and deep, it allows them to feel more connected.”
This is true whether you’re freshly dating or five years into a relationship. Not to mention, the right questions can take your relationship to the next level, and may even help you get through a rough patch. “When we feel deeply connected with our partner it increases the chances that the relationship can withstand difficult times,” West says. “When we are curious we can understand each other more, and we also have more information to make better-informed decisions about the relationship.”
Asking questions for couples is a great way to improve your communication with your SO, which is key to building and maintaining intimacy in any relationship — especially a romantic one. “Direct communication is a great way to tell whether or not you’re in the right relationship,” says Lily Womble, founder and CEO of Date Brazen. “When you’re dating somebody, what you’re really doing is teaching somebody how to love you; and so by communicating what you want, what you need, what you’re confused about, and what you desire, you’re teaching your partner how to love you better.”
While it might feel weird at first to have deep chats, try to create an environment together where it’s OK to ask questions. Direct communication is about being a good partner to yourself and to the other person, at any stage. With that in mind, here are 120 questions for couples to ask on a variety of occasions.
“Getting To Know You” Questions
- Do you believe in love at first sight?
- What’s something you could talk about for hours?
- What was your first impression of me?
- What are you like in your friend group?
- How do you like to relax after a long week?
- How do you usually spend your weekends?
- What’s a goal you’re working towards right now?
- What’s one skill you’d love to learn?
- What’s the most thoughtful thing you’ve ever done for another person?
- Do you have any secret talents?
- What do you look for in a partner?
- What does an ideal date night look like for you?
- What role does family play in your life?
- What’s an average day look like for you?
- Do you have any pets?
- What are some of your biggest turn ons and turn offs?
- What are you looking for in a relationship?
- What do you like most and like least about living with a partner?
- How valuable is communication to you?
- How important are trust and loyalty?
- How do you define cheating?
- What does a successful relationship look like?
- What are your views on therapy?
- Is there anything you’re unwilling to compromise on in life?
- Would you consider yourself to be romantic?
- Would you be willing to try long-distance if something happened that would require me to move far away?
- Where do you see yourself living in five years?
- What’s your relationship like with your family?
- How do you handle your emotions when you get upset?
- What is your arguing style?
Sex & Intimacy Questions
- What’s your favorite position?
- What’s your favorite time of day to have sex?
- Ideally, how often would you like to have sex?
- Do you see yourself as more dominant or submissive in bed?
- Do you have any positions or fantasies you’d like to try?
- What do you imagine our sex life to look like in five years?
- What is your love language or how do you like to give love?
- What’s your favorite way to receive love?
- How do you feel about our sex life right now?
- Do you like to be cuddled, hugged, and kissed?
- Do you enjoy holding hands?
- Do you like PDA?
- What’s something you didn’t do in your previous relationship(s) that you want to start doing in our relationship?
- Are there any boundaries of yours I have crossed that I might not know about?
- How can I best communicate my sexual needs to you?
Questions About The Future
- What are you excited about for our future as a couple?
- What are some bucket list things you want us to experience together? As an individual?
- Do you see us settling long-term?
- Where would you want to live?
- What do you want our future home to look like and how do you want it to operate?
- Do you want kids in the future? What would our life look like if we didn’t have kids?
- Do you want to get married in the future?
- What’s something you will never give up or change for me?
- Can you picture our family and friends integrating?
- What will you do to keep the spark alive in our relationship?
- Could you picture yourself waking up next to me for the rest of your life?
- Is there anything about our relationship that makes you hesitate to see a future together?
- Would you ever be open to couples therapy if we needed it in the future?
- Ideally, how would you like us to spend the holidays?
- What do you want your life to look like when you retire?
Questions About The Past
- What was it like for you growing up?
- What was your favorite subject in school?
- What’s your happiest memory?
- What was your family’s dynamic?
- What did your family do for the holidays?
- What was a story you heard a lot while growing up?
- Who did you look up to when you were younger?
- Who in your life has shaped you the most?
- Did you always know what you wanted to be when you grew up?
- In what ways have you changed in the past 10 years?
- What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned so far in life?
- What was your biggest mistake?
- When was your first relationship?
- How did you feel about yourself in high school?
- What are you most proud of so far?
- What’s your favorite movie?
- What’s your favorite book of all time?
- What’s your favorite thing to have for dinner?
- What’s your favorite fast food restaurant?
- What’s your favorite thing to do on a Friday night?
- What’s your favorite vacation spot?
- What’s been your favorite job so far?
- What’s your favorite thing about our relationship?
- What’s your favorite type of candy?
- What’s your favorite TV show?
- What’s your favorite or most-used emoji?
- Who’s your favorite actor?
- What’s your favorite childhood memory?
- What was your favorite subject?
- What’s your favorite way to show someone you care?
- What are your views on religion or spirituality?
- What do you think is the meaning of life?
- What’s your political point of view?
- When was the last time you really cried?
- Has anyone ever betrayed you?
- What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever been through?
- What are some of your deepest fears?
- Why did your last relationship end?
- What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about yourself?
- Did you ever fail at reaching a goal?
- What’s one thing you wish you could change about your past?
- What’s your number one goal in life?
- What would you do if you got a chance to repeat life all over again?
- What’s one thing you’d like to tell your family, friends, or an ex?
- What’s one thing you would say to your younger self?
Relationship Check-In Questions
- What do we need to stop doing as a couple?
- What do we need to start doing as a couple?
- Are you keeping any secrets from me?
- What do you like most about our relationship?
- Are you happy with how things are going so far?
- If you could change one thing about our relationship, what would it be?
- Do I have any quirks that are getting on your nerves?
- What’s something you want to know about me that you haven’t asked?
- Is there anything you want to know about my past relationship(s)?
- What do you think is the key to a healthy relationship?
- Is there anything I can do to make you feel more loved?
- What do your family and friends think of our relationship?
- Is there any resentment, big or small, that you’ve been holding in lately?
- Do you think we’re growing in the same direction?
- What are some ways we can communicate better?
Lily Womble, founder and CEO of Date Brazen
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